2020 was a tough year, and it was reflected in the church. All over America, the pulpit turned into a Sunday morning Fox News report and an American Family Radio commentary blended into one. Unfortunately, it was a proud time for many Christians. It was in February 2021 when I started blogging, and one of the first blog posts I wrote, along with a letter to Ozzy Osborne, was “Pharisees and False Prophets.”
I say that so you know I am not riding on the coattails of the latest controversy in Contemporary Christianity. I know the words Pastor Alistair Begg spoke on September 1, 2023 were guided by a heart of love and understanding of what it means to walk as light in the darkness. When I heard him speak them back in September my heart was joyful. Now, the right-wing Christian media and YouTubers, along with other pastors, are speaking out against what Pastor Begg had said. They speak against it with only legalism as their foundation, forsaking discernment, the guidance of the Spirit, and the amazing love Jesus demonstrated for us 2,000 years ago.
This is a defense of both Pastor Begg and his counsel.
History of denouncing sin with words seasoned with grace
Pastor Alistair Begg
In 2020, tensions were high. The Trump election, Covid, BLM, the border, and LGBTQ all battled to dominate the public’s attention. Churches across the nation took the bait and put Trump on a pedestal, denounced Covid and the work of public health administrators as a lie, belittled immigrants and internationals-I’m talking to you, AFR-and minimized the plight of African Americans and the pain and confusion of the gay person.
I had been listening to Pastor Begg for a few years and I have been edified and have grown in wisdom through his teaching on the word of God. During this time, I heard Pastor Begg denounce sin, gay marriage, and homosexual practices, now with harsh, proud, and judgmental words, but with a grace and love that I had not found. That is hard to do, but he does it repeatedly.
Arguments against his statement are all based on legalism, never love
Everything I heard on YouTube videos (I could only stomach a couple) and from the AFR commentators were based on legalistic arguments. Every argument states you are affirming, or agreeing with, or blessing, this union by going to the wedding (I’ll come back to that later). Let’s be clear, Pastor Begg never said to go and celebrate the wedding, but simply to stand as a light in the present darkness. One commentator put himself in the place of God, saying, “I’m where I have always been, and you drew away from me!” Putting yourself in the place of God makes you the judge. Trust me, you don’t want to do that. Jesus calls us to Go To the sinner. We are not on the throne and this argument is steeped in pride. One YouTube comment said you are participating in evil occurring within a holy place, the church, and a Christians presence in this holy place during an act of evil is worthy of hell. Sounds like a Catholic argument, but certainly not a Christian argument. Jesus said we will not worship here nor there, but in Spirit. That building means nothing. It is what is in your heart that matters.
They leave no room for discernment
No one has left any room for the guidance of the Holy Spirit. They only have legalistic opinions and lines drawn in the sand. Jesus was mocked for talking to women, and not only women, but to a fornicator, an adulteress, and a prostitute. Yes, he was in the presence of sinners who were currently in their sin. He did not turn his back on them like a legalistic Pharisee. Instead, he showed compassion and love. Told them they were loved and invited them back into the Father’s grace through Him.
I’ve known several Christians who have not gone to a nephew’s or a sibling’s gay wedding because the church told them not to. They struggled with it. They had no peace over it. In the end, they didn’t go. I’ve seen the hurt and confusion in their eyes to this day as they continue to ponder that decision. I wonder what the Holy Spirit was saying. I know what legalistic men were saying.
They grab a statement and dismiss everything around it except the part that will give them ratings and a paycheck
Wake up, America. Commentators like AFR, and other right-wing, conservative Christians are not showing love to the outcast, the stranger, or the sinners who are sinning in the bigger arenas. They say Pastor Begg told Christians to go to the wedding, thereby to celebrate the wedding. They say that by simply attending, you are affirming, celebrating, will say “congratulations” at the end, and attend the party afterward. This is all hypothetical and simply not true.
I have heard AFR belittle foreigners and immigrants on their radio show. Their morning host told a joke making fun of Mexicans-on the air. They do not work in love, nor do they edify believers. Instead, they cause division, promote pride, and speak with arrogance.
Using Bible verses to validate their claims
Let me tell you, there isn’t a single Bible verse that can stand alone to solve this problem. You’re going to need the whole Bible for this one, and after that, you’re going to need the Holy Spirit. Take any of the myriads of verses being used to belittle Pastor Begg and I can give you one in defense.
My Conclusion
Praying
Imagine this: when a gay person gets married, every Christian family member they have shows up at that wedding. Every one of them spend the ceremony in silent prayer the entire time, standing as light in the darkness, just as Jesus would want us to do. At the end of the wedding, some may go up to the altar to kneel and pray for the lost and confused souls who are in that building. And when they leave the sanctuary, and the gay couple is at the door, instead of saying “congratulations,” say, “Can I pray for you?” If they say yes, then pray they will come into a personal relationship with Jesus, and He will use them for His glory in this life. Your present should be a Christian gift, stating and affirming your belief in the Bible and in Jesus Christ.
Believe me, someday, when they start to question their lifestyle, their decisions, and the God who created them, they will ponder on what you did that day, on the seed you planted that day because you weren’t scared of the Christian right-wind to follow your heart, and your actions will shine the light they need when all the others gave them was the darkness of the cold shoulder.
Finally, it is important to note that decisions like this, using proper discernment as to whether to attend or not, being guided by the Holy Spirit in what to say and how to conduct yourself, and simply being mature enough to handle this calling, is only for mature and biblically grounded believers. We need to read the Bible every day, spending time with God and seeking His guidance. That is the only way we can properly handle the difficult tasks that come our way as we walk in the footsteps of Jesus Christ.
a sample chapter from Chris’ book, “Guided by Wisdom,” to be released in November
Proverbs 16:18
18 Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall.
Pride is a tough topic to deal with because we all feel it, yet the Bible says pride is a sin, period. The sin of pride is when we exalt ourselves, replacing our faith in God with faith in ourselves. In the Bible, pride is almost always connected to haughtiness and arrogance. It suggests lifting ourselves higher than others, bragging about ourselves, and disregarding others in place of self.
Proverbs 21:24
24 A proud and haughty man—“Scoffer” is his name; He acts with arrogant pride.
Imagine scoring a game-winning goal or playing a difficult piece to perfection at a piano recital. We would feel proud of the accomplishment, right? The pride we feel has two potential sources: either from within ourselves over what we’ve accomplished, or from God and what He accomplished through the gifts He gave us. When you accomplish something, we can either say, “I did it,” or “Isn’t God awesome that He gave me this ability and led me to use it for His glory!”
Pride
Sample chapter from Guided by Wisdom
Proverbs 21:24 calls a proud person a scoffer. A scoffer is a person who makes fun of someone or mocks something, which is often something in a religious framework. Now we can see that when we take all the credit for what God has given us, according to Proverbs 21, it is like we are mocking God.
1 Samuel 2:3
3 “Talk no more so very proudly; Let no arrogance come from your mouth, For the Lord is the God of knowledge; And by Him actions are weighed.
To fight against pride, we must continue to give God the glory for who He has made us to be and for what He has gifted to us. This is a choice we must consciously make. Our parents can say, with honest hearts, they are proud of us. We are their children, and they delight in us the same way God delights in His children (see Psalm 18:19). But parents can’t say they are proud of what they have made us into, or proud of the path they have laid out for us, because this is pride that robs God of His glory.
Proverbs 11:2
2 When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom.
The opposite of pride is humility, and we, as believers, strive to be humble. A humble person cannot be haughty or arrogant. Their hearts express love and compassion, which are natural by-products of humility. Humility reminds us that all people—the rich, the homeless, the famous, the convict, and the depressed—come from the same place in the eyes of God, fallen under the curse of sin. No one is better than anyone else, and we all need the saving grace of Jesus Christ. This path of knowing we are not perfect and are not better than any other person, shows us how to love and helps us to love like Jesus loved.
Now we can see why pride brings destruction and shame. Pride focuses on self and takes away the love we have to offer to others. Pride separates us from God and causes us to lose sight of His character and presence, blinding us to our sin and keeping us from repenting to God and seeking Him for our needs, wisdom, peace, and joy.
Guided by Wisdom, the first book in the Every Step series, shows adolescents how they can use the Bible to help them respond biblically to challenges and questions they face every day. It will show them how God’s Word is relevant in decision making and problem solving, guidance and character growth.
Look for it to release in November, 2023, on Sing Write Read / Books.
13 He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.
Sometimes being honest is hard. It is the nature of the selfish heart to cover up our mistakes and crimes. We have all told lies to avoid trouble or shame or kept quiet when we should have confessed to something.
Proverbs 28:21
21 To show partiality is not good, Because for a piece of bread a man will transgress.
We all make mistakes—every one of us. Imperfection is a universal trait. That is why we need a savior, because evil and sin cannot stand in the presence of God. Jesus took the penalty of our sin, and in doing so, He made it possible for us to stand before God. God will forgive our sins because Jesus paid for them. Our tendency to be dishonest is one of the more obvious ways we all sin and fall short of perfection. It is easy to do and it is often effective. Proverbs 28:21 tells us being dishonest is so easy that we’ll do it for a piece of bread.
Proverbs 19:5
5 A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who speaks lies will not escape.
Dishonesty is a sin, and there are consequences, even if we happen to not get caught. For one, it bothers our consciences. When we lie and have deceived someone, we feel bad about it. We know we have done wrong and while we may have avoided trouble for ourselves, we likely passed that trouble on to someone else who didn’t deserve it. That is selfish. God hears every lie, and lying will not go unpunished. We don’t always get caught, but we will always be punished because our consciences won’t let us off free and clear. There is always a spiritual consequence to sin.
We will face temptations to be dishonest all our lives. Sometimes it won’t seem to matter if the truth is known or not. In fact, it may appear to be beneficial to everyone if the truth is hidden away forever. But we live in a dishonest world and adding more dishonesty to it makes our world a darker place. When we live with the Spirit of God in our hearts, then our hearts will desire to do the right thing, even when it is the hard thing. By focusing on the word of God we become sensitive to even the smallest sins, which are often simple little lies. A half-truth is a whole lie.
Guided by Wisdom, the first book in the Every Step series, shows adolescents how they can use the Bible to help them respond biblically to challenges and questions they face every day. It will show them how God’s Word is relevant in decision making and problem solving, guidance and character growth.
Look for it to release in November, 2023, on Sing Write Read / Books.
I fell in love at the age of 25. It was the first love I’d known, the first girl I really cared about since I was a teenager. From the day I met her I pursued her, not in any righteous manner, but I wanted a relationship with her. She was beautiful, very beautiful, and fun. To spend the rest of my life with this woman would have taken commitment and courage, leadership on my part and ambition. I had none of that to offer. I left.
God’s way
I had already decided that I would never marry by that time. Being tied down was not my style. Adventure and the unfamiliar were what I was about, even though the isolation and loneliness of that lifestyle drove me to despair and a desire for death more than once. In this condition, even if God wanted to bless me with a wife, I would not have seen it. I was living a life that pursued sin and I was outside of God’s will, meaning I would never know the blessings He had for me.
Six years later, I crossed paths with this woman, and she became my wife. I was 30 years old. Look at how our marriage lined up with God’s plan:
Having one partner – We both had known multiple sexual partners
Marrying young – Both of us were 30 years old when we married
Having children – We intended not to have children
Sex is to be enjoyed – There was a lot of baggage in our sex life
After we got married, we moved to southern Illinois, where I was saved at 34 years old. Getting involved in the church, I have been blessed to witness several marriages between godly families where the bride and the groom stood in front of each other purely, as virgins. One couple, I know for sure, had not even kissed another person of the opposite sex before. They shared their first kiss at the altar! I also know many other couples who fall into this category.
How I long to have what they have!
What they have is beautiful and pure. Together they have something no one else in the world can make a claim to, each other and their bodies, intimate knowledge of each other, no sacrifices made on the altar of sexual desire and promiscuity.
My wife and I will never have that, but thanks to the grace of God a multitude of sins is covered by love, His love. We have healed and have come into deep intimacy with each other, but the journey was not easy.
Sexual and Emotional Baggage
The bottom line is that when my wife and I got married we had brought a lot of baggage into our marriage, emotional baggage, sexual baggage, and a spiritual deficit.
Division
By marrying late and knowing other partners, we brought ideas about what the opposite sex likes from those experiences into our bed. Instead of getting to know our spouse intimately and sexually, we assumed they wanted the same things as others. We give them something we have already given to something else. In other words, it’s already used. There is nothing pure about something that has been used already.
During sex memories of past partners infected our minds and distracted us from true oneness with each other, which is literally committing adultery while in the arms of your spouse. Even much later in our marriage the heavy luggage of the past appeared on the circular conveyor belt of this hellish baggage claim. Betrayal was felt, suspicions were cast, and the former pursuits of this world and the ways of sin had threatened what God had intended for good once again.
Marrying Late and Almost Missing Out
Getting married late led us to the decision not to have children. We both were so self-centered and fixed on our life course that we chose to focus on our careers and personal interests and hobbies instead. Thank God, through the same incident He used to bring me to Him, He led us to have our two kids. There is no greater blessing on this side of heaven, aside from the gift of Jesus and the Holy Spirit, that compares to family.
God’s Way is the Right Way
God’s plan
My wife and I have been married for 17 years. I can honestly say that when we make love there is no other sexual experience that can be more satisfying or take its place. It is beautiful, romantic, pleasurable, and very intimate. Knowing what I know now, I can say without doubt that monogamous sex within marriage, one that starts in purity at the altar of marriage, is the best path. It is not a surprise to learn this later in life, that God’s way, what He says in His Word, is the best way.
I’d like to say I wish I could go back in time and change my behavior and marry my wife at a younger age, refusing to be a rebel and a loner, forsaking the sexual path I followed, but I can’t say that. The variables in a child’s life are extremely influential. The situations I found myself in, almost always involving trusted adults, led me to view life through a lens that was worldly and not godly. Once I reached adolescent age, I thrust myself into the open arms of the world and pursued what I was taught as a child. It has become a disease that has infected me to this day; literally, a thorn on the flesh. I was on a path to destruction, and I believe God rescued me from it, many times, before I was saved at the age of 34.
Parents, I beg this of you; guard the hearts and minds of your kids. They are not ready for sex, sexual encounters, or sex education in their developmental years. This pursuit is too much of a burden for young minds and bodies. I know it is difficult, but you need to fight for your kids. You need to be the one who is making decisions on your children’s behalf, and not letting the world or our culture dictate to you the decisions you should be allowing. The world is the wolf, your kids are the sheep. That makes YOU the shepherd. Show your kids the path to sexual purity, encourage it, and fight like a madman against any foe that brings perversion to your door.
Read part 2 of how sobriety remains important and possible in my life.
Disguised under a tinted and vulnerable, cellophane-like covering, we boast adventure, experimentation, freedom, passion, and hurt as reasons for some of our poorest decisions. When we think of what causes the most pain in a life, many of us go straight to drugs and alcohol. These readily available and well-marketed delusions have destroyed many lives, along with the lives of the user’s immediate circle. Dangerous and adrenaline creating stunts are also culprits of chronic pain and destruction. While I’ve had ample experience with these cases, my immediate and confident answer is not in any of these arenas.
What is the thing that has caused me the most pain in my life? Hands down and without doubt, it is pre-marital sex.
Pre-marital Sex
In the previous article we showed how God tells us in His Word we are meant to have one sexual partner, marry young, have kids within marriage, and to enjoy sex with our spouse, which it is a gift and blessing from God. I took all these directions and promises and gifts of God and destroyed them in my life. I trampled on them. I cursed them. Looking back, I know there is nothing that has caused greater destruction, pain, death, and regret, than my sexual path as a young person. I can tell you by not only what it says in the Bible, but by life experience, this is God’s truth.
The world, the devil, our selfish freewill, however you want to express it, has taken God’s beautiful gift of sex and has perverted it to our own destruction. When we disregarded God’s initial intention for sex within marriage it became a pathway for millions to be infected with disease. It has created and sustains the abortion industry. It has broken countless marriages, which are permanent bonds in the eyes of God (see Mark 10:9). Sex outside of God’s law has created prostitution, the pornography industry, and the sex trade, which victimizes the most vulnerable; children, the poor, and the defenseless. It is a driver of embarrassment, stress, pain, anxiety, murder, and suicide.
Pre-marital sex
My History
When I was a young boy, I can’t say the age, but I can say they are in my earliest memories, I was continually given pornography to look at by other men. It’s interesting to look back on that and know that these men were not intentionally trying to destroy my life. They were doing me a favor as far as they were concerned. Giving a boy what he wanted most. Giving him experience and knowledge in the ways of the world so he wouldn’t be found wanting. Often, the giving was also a distraction to what they were doing in the other room. Let’s not be naïve, this is non-contact, sexual abuse to a child.
As an adolescent I was encouraged to pursue sexual experiences with women. Always being asked what kind of sexual experiences I was having with my current girlfriend. I was hooked up with women who were known to be sexually active and liberal. I lost my virginity at 13 to a 14-year-old girl. I had my own liquor cabinet behind a bulletin board in my bedroom for a year or two prior to that.
It was common to sneak out of the house to pursue alcohol and sexual experiences at this young age. I realize now that depression and isolation had appeared in my life at the age of 13, a condition that would weigh heavily on me into my 30’s. My first suicide attempt accompanied the first time I got a girl pregnant, which was followed by an abortion. I was 14 or 15.
Later in life I would experience the one-night-stand. Immortalized in song and movies as the ultimate sexual experience, the two I had experiences only delivered deepened depression, worry, fear, anxiety, guilt, and regret for me.
As a result of being taught this lifestyle and behavior from boyhood, I failed to have a faithful relationship with any woman throughout my teenage and young adult years. I was trained to be unfaithful, to want sexual volume and experiences over relationships and intimacy. Fortunately, I wasn’t a good “womanizer.” I was horrible at it actually. My heart wasn’t in it, I was a terrible liar, and I cared too much for the women I met. There was a seed of responsibility and a gentlemanly character planted in me as a result of the influence of a few godly men in my life. Their seeds were in the minority, but the light they provided successfully staved off a complete takeover by the darkness that held me.
A Short Life of Sin and Destruction
By the time I was 17, I had experience with disease, unwanted pregnancies, abortions, suicide attempts, severe depression, addiction, DUI and multiple car wrecks, arrest for theft, and isolation. You will find the breakage of all ten of the Commandments in these few years, including murder. I can honestly say, it is the guidance I was given by the dominant males in my life, guidance that encouraged sexual conquest over sexual purity, and worldly pleasure over a relationship with God, that caused nearly all of this pain, destruction, and death.
I was a child who thought he was a man. A child who was living his life as if he were capable of making the important, life-changing decisions of a man. I was a child who was led terribly astray.
In the third and final post of this series I will walk you through where I failed in these three areas and how they affected my marriage:
Having one partner
Marrying young
Having Children
God’s intention for sex to be enjoyed
Check out a recent blog post on sobriety and addiction.
Thank you for reading. It may seem strange to say, but I hope you are encouraged by my failures, poor choices, and eventual life-changing salvation.
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