In this series of three blog posts, we are going to talk about sex. The series is written from my point of view, based on my history with sex, marriage, and God. This first part will explain what the Bible says about sex and marriage, as related to the topics I want to discuss with you. The second part will tell you about my sexual journey from childhood into marriage. The third part will contrast my experience (Part 2), with God’s Word (Part 1).
One Sexual Partner for Life
God tells us in His Word that we are to remain sexually pure until we marry one person. He talks about it a lot in the Pentateuch, or the Torah, the first five books of the Bible. There are whole chapters, like Leviticus 18, devoted to sexual immorality. We see the Hebrew nation fall away from God time and time again to pursue Baal (sex was a big deal in Baal worship) and polygamy, marrying many wives (Gideon had 70 sons from “many wives,” Solomon over 300 wives and lovers). Don’t think for a minute that because Abraham was given Hagar, or because Jacob had two wives and two concubines, or because the kings of Israel, like David and Solomon, had many wives and concubines, that this was right in the eyes of God. It wasn’t. God says in Genesis 2, Jesus says in Matthew 19 and Mark 10, and Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5, that man shall leave his parents and cling to his wife, singular, and the two shall become one flesh.
When people do something that is in direct opposition to God’s Word, even if they find success in it, or if it becomes culturally acceptable, or even law, it doesn’t allow us to disregard what God says and it doesn’t change what He says. The Bible is not up for cultural interpretation when it comes to moral law. It is written on your heart, and it is written on mine, believer, skeptic, and non-believer alike.
Marriage – God’s Way
Marrying Young
Sex is a gift from God, and it is a beautiful gift. God tells us this in the Song of Solomon, which is a book in the Bible that tells us of two young lovers and how they desire each other. Their eyes and their hearts are only for each other, and the power of their attraction is insatiable. It speaks to the blessed decision to marry at a young age. To find the love of your youth and commit to a life together.
Having Children
We can’t talk about sex and the Word of God without mentioning having children. When the Bible talks about marriage and sex, more often than not, childbearing and raising a family are mentioned. In Genesis 1, God says, “Increase and multiply.” It’s not that God’s will for everyone is to be married and have a family. Paul makes that clear in 1 Corinthians 7 that if one is unmarried, it is fine to remain so. But if one wants to start a family and have children of their own, then God says this is to be done within the family unit, one father and one mother. This is His will for our lives.
Sex is a Gift from God, meant to be Enjoyed
When you get married and make love to your spouse for the first time, and you enter this world of sharing your most intimate self with another for the first time, you have just received God’s wedding present to you!
God’s Gift to You
Look at what Proverbs 5:15-20 says. It is about the beauty and enjoyment of sex with your spouse.
Verses 18 and 19 say “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love.”
I’m sure we can get an amen to that!
Is God not telling us here to marry young, have only one lover, your spouse, and to enjoy intimate sex with each other? It is pretty clear.
Now look at verses 15-17, and 20. For brevity I’ll spell out verses 17 and 20. “Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you.” Then, “For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?” Verse 20 speaks to the betrayal of adultery and the resulting pain and permanent damage to a relationship when we allow ourselves to be embraced in the arms of another.
In the second edition of this series, I will take you through my sexual journey as a child, and the damage it caused, before concluding with reflections on what God says about sex and marriage in contradiction with the path I chose.
Read Chris’s post on his insights into multi-cultural marriage:
After leaving the problem of progressive and liberal Christianity with some elder members of this church, I left the issue behind. Frankly, I wasn’t confident that it was my role to carry this banner for church members who lived 150 miles away from me, attended a church of which I was not a member, and being a part of a denomination that I was not involved with. But the issue refused to leave my conscience. I thought about it often over the next three years.
It’s easy to rationalize, this problem of cultural tendencies and biblical truth, into co-existing, distantly related cousins, who can blend together to create an ideal, peacefully existing unit. Our feelings tell us this is what we should do. Why not? It just makes everything easier and respects the feelings, wants, and needs of others.
Before we do this, I mean walk the path of the world, we need to decide two things:
First, that we are going to read the Bible
Second that we are going to believe what it says
If we determine these two points are valid then we cannot walk the path the world asks us, or demands us, to walk. They are not compatible. If we embrace these two points, then the world is going to take offense of us and they will not like us. This, according to the Bible, should cause us to rejoice!
Homework: Read Matthew 5:11-12 and James 1:2-3.
Once, when I was preparing to send 1,000 Christmas cards that boldly proclaimed the saving grace and love of Jesus Christ to our company client list, my wife asked me if I thought I would lose some clients over it. My reply: “I hope so!” If no one is taken aback by the boldness we rightfully have in Jesus Christ, then we are not being bold enough. I don’t mean to run around intentionally insulting people. You don’t need to do that. Your faith and your love for Jesus will take care of that. That is if you let your light shine in the darkness.
Homework: Read Luke 6:26
This is what I found when I returned to that church three years later. The pastor told the only two children in the congregation that day, they were visiting by the way, that deep down inside they were “good people.” He basically planted the seeds that said they didn’t need a savior; that their goodness was good enough. Too picky, you say? I disagree. Our words and our doctrine hold power and have eternal consequences. The Bible says teachers of the word of God will be held accountable and judged with greater strictness. What he said to those kids was very bad doctrine and my wife and I were both glad our children were not present.
Homework: Read James 3:1 and James 3:2-12, and Mark 10:18
It was during the actual sermon when the fireworks of hell really exploded. The pastor said, and I do not quote this, “Have you ever had someone ask you how long you’ve been saved? I hate it when people ask that. It makes us look proud, like we are above someone else. I always answer, ‘No. I’m not there yet, but I’m working on it.’”
Let that sink in for a minute…
When he said this my wife and I nearly jumped out of our pews, and honestly, I think we were the only ones in the room who noticed. The pastor had gone from not wanting to touch on the areas where cultural and biblical worldviews collide, in fear of insulting someone, to refusing to proclaim, and even denying the reality of his own salvation and the power of our risen Christ, because he is afraid to sound too arrogant and proud. This is the fear of men and a complete lack of the fear of God.
Pastor, you’re not working on it! The arrogance you protect yourself from by denying what Jesus has done for you is actually arrogance for self. Here is some homework for you.
Homework: Ephesians 2:8-9
And here are some verses I will not save for homework, because you all need to read them right now. You are SAVED! You are saved by the work of Jesus Christ, and you are to be joyful in it. Never, ever, be ashamed.
Romans 1:16
For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek.
Romans 10:13
For “whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Romans 10:9
that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
We are to never be ashamed of our salvation in Jesus Christ. On the contrary, we are to stand boldly in it. You can back that up, and everything I’ve said in this article, by the word of God.
And you, fellow believer, have a responsibility. You are responsible for reading the Bible, every day, and knowing what is in it. You need to be able to determine if what you are being told is biblical truth or not, or else this world will have its way with you. You also need to know what God’s will is for your life, and the only place you will find that information is by spending time in the Bible, alone, with God.
2 Timothy 3:16-17
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.
To be forthcoming, this writing is about a pastor in the church. I won’t mention his name, but my conscience won’t allow me to stay silent any longer. I fear for the members of that church. I feel they do not see the watered down, works focused, fear of man preaching this so-called pastor of God is feeding them. I have a vested interest in these fellow brothers and sisters, not only because are we connected in Christ, but because I know them all personally; they attend the church I grew up in.
My first run in with this pastor was in 2020, when I provided worship for the church via Zoom during the Covid pandemic. I was booked to play four Sundays. On the third Sunday, knowing there was a doctrinal problem lurking in the shadows, I stated during Spirit led prayer in the middle of the song, “Lord, let our little boys be little boys and our little girls be little girls.”
The pastor called me that day and told me I could not continue serving (there was one Sunday left), because I was being “too political”. I asked him how he would draw the line between “political” and biblical truth. This is when the pastor revealed to me his fear of man and his lack of fear for God.
He told me he did not believe the Bible was inerrant or infallible, claiming the Bible had to be interpreted through the lens of modern culture, since it was written in the middle eastern culture over 2,000 years ago. He also defended gay marriage in the walls of the church and under the banner of our holy God. Through the struggles of a pastor friend who was gay, he came to realize there is nothing wrong with homosexuality in the eyes of God. He added the Bible is being misinterpreted whenever it mentions this issue in both the New and the Old Testament. I then asked him about abortion. He stated, and I will quote this, “Chris, you tell me when life begins in the womb.”
The pastor went on to tell me he would not preach these “political” issues from his pulpit because he didn’t want to offend anyone. He was worried if he mentioned these things some people would not come back to the church or reach out to him for counsel in their time of need.
Let me point out, in the book of Matthew, Jesus states, “Blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.” (Mt 11:6, NKJV). In Matthew 13:57 and Matthew 15:12, it is stated that the people and the Pharisees were “offended” by Him. You see, pastor, Jesus is offensive to this world. A stumbling block. He always was and He always will be. Unless of course that is either mistranslated or out of context with our anti-offensive culture.
Let me also point out that sin is offensive to our perfect and holy God, therefore, it will be offensive to the world when we talk about it for what it is. It is SIN and is offensive to God.
I had a conversation about this issue with four members of this church. I didn’t feel it was my place to lead a coup in the church, so I left it with those four people to decide how to proceed with this new revelation that their new pastor did not believe the words of the Bible and held extremely liberal and anti-biblical stances on every cultural and political issue we managed to discuss.
Then, on June 10, 2023, my wife and I attended a service at this church, and what we heard was shocking. Come back next week for the end of this tale.
Let’s start by answering the question, what keeps me sober? What is my highest motivation? When I am tempted I can honestly say there is one thing that helps me overcome, and it is not the love and respect of my family, the security of my job, or the opinions of those around me.
It is God. When I am tempted to fall, when I want to fall, God is the first to enter my meditations. Believing in and serving God is not something to be taken lightly, or to be treated as “a common thing.” We must understand who it is we serve and who we have bowed the knee to.
Fear of God
God is perfectly holy. He is perfect love and perfect judgement. He is the Creator of the universe, and of you! He is infinite and all-knowing. He loves me and He loves you so much that He came to earth to prove it. Knowing He would be crucified and would face a horrifying spiritual challenge that we can’t understand. Thereby giving you a way to enter into His perfect and holy presence.
Fear of God
God is awesome! He offers us salvation and eternal life, but only to those who fear Him and His judgement. I fear God’s judgment. I know when I see Him that I will be judged because I am not perfect. But I also know my penalty has been paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ.
This holy and respectful fear of God leads me to desire to be obedient to Him. To love Him back with my sacrifice. My sacrifice is to live a holy life. To walk as a living sacrifice to God. A life worthy of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Read 1 Peter 1:13-21
Respect for God
Even though God has saved me through His Son, Jesus Christ, and He has shown me without doubt that He loves me very much, I refuse to take that for granted. Again, as if it is a “common thing.” While I know I am saved, sober or not, I want to honor the gifts God has given me. Sobriety happens to be one of the least of those gifts, when compared to the sacrifice of His Son for my salvation.
Respect for God
It is truly my desire to honor God with my sobriety, and the fact that He gave it to me is enough for me to honor Him with it. How can I take His gift so lightly and behave so flippantly with it, and then say I have respect for God? I can do that with people and institutions, because I can lie and hide from them. Their ignorance is a salve for my conscience.
But it is not so with God. He is all-knowing and His Holy Spirit resides within me.
Read Hebrews 3:12-15
Love for God
The New Testament is full of God’s declaration of love for you. John 3:16 tells us God loves the world so much He sent His only Son to save us. Romans 5:8 tells us while we are still sinners He gave His life for us. Actually, Jesus gave His life while the people He came to save actively ridiculed Him for it. 1 John 4:19 tells us that we love Him only because He first loved us.
After being saved and becoming filled with the Holy Spirit, I can honestly say I have changed. The way I think about things, big things, like abortion, poverty, addiction, capitalism, and culture, have changed. This is an internal change, a change in the spirit and the soul. What I have more of is this: LOVE.
Love of God
My love for God pushes me to serve Him first, putting aside the desires of my selfish flesh. This includes alcohol and drugs. I don’t want to go back because I don’t want to lose sight of the love I have for God, or the love He has for me.
Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us to be imitators of God. Meaning to walk in love like Christ did. He gave Himself for us. He was a fragrant offering and a sacrifice to God. That’s what the Bible tells us to be, and that is what I want to be. If I start using again, even if I could control it, which I can’t, I would not be loving you like I’m commanded to. I would not be loving you like Christ loved you. Instead, I would be a stumbling block to you. Confusion to you. Even an enabler to you. That is not love. Sobriety is love.
Read Romans 14:14-23
Desire to Obey God
Fear of man can’t keep me from doing anything. Man has the ability to think, to plan, and to organize. If there is something man needs to get away with, he is able to at least convince himself he is smart enough to do so. My wife would be hurt if I started using again. My kids would be confused. As a person I would either be humiliated, or I would stand tall behind a façade of pride. But we would all get over it if we are all aware of our own imperfections. I don’t expect anyone to be perfect if I can’t. Therefor I can forgive an imperfection.
Obey God
But God is perfect. Although He understands and forgives my imperfections, I desire to please Him with my obedience. 1 Corinthians 9:24 and Hebrews 12:1 encourage me to run the race to the end, with the goal of winning it.
God also gives us His Holy Spirit, who in turn gives us the gift of conviction. Whenever I am tempted the Holy Spirit reminds me what He told me in that pizzeria years ago. It’s my choice if I want to give that gift back to God. I do not want to return anything God has given me, burdensome or not. I only want to obey Him. The conviction He gives us is positive conviction. It is conviction that leads us in the right direction and keeps us standing in the light.
Read Romans 12:1-2
In the end, any success you have over addiction, depression ,anxiety, anger, hate, will come from only one sustainable source, God. Here are some bullet points to get you on that track or put you back on it:
Accept Jesus as your Savior and ask for His Spirit to live in you and guide you. Your heart is the key here, not your words.
Read the Bible every day! Period. Ask God to speak and guide you as you read. Show up for God, every day.
Get involved with other Bible believing Christians. Search out and find a church that believes the Bible is the truth. Avoid liberal or progressive Christianity.
That should be enough to get you started. Reach out to me anytime.
Nearly 7 years ago in 2016 God gave me a miracle. After 25 years of chasing the dream through a bottle of booze, He freed me from alcoholism. I can’t tell you how I knew it was a reality. I just did. The miracle was delivered a few days after I completed an assignment given to me by my pastor. It was an assignment of forgiveness.
About a year later that miracle was tested. As I sat alone in a pizzeria that also sold craft beer, I was tempted to have some samples. Why not? I had been free for a year. I was closer to God than ever before. There was no threat of going back to what I was by sampling a couple of craft beers. Was there?
Sobriety
As I waited for the waitress to come back, God spoke to me. He said, “Chris, if you want to give back the gift I gave to you, then that is your choice.”
Ouch. I ordered water.
Late the next year, in 2017, I would give up drugs for good as well. This was done out of obedience to God, and the blessings of song that came from that will have to be told another time.
Recently I watched a young evangelist, who used to be an addict, tell the woman who was interviewing him that he was a changed man, fully and completely, from the inside out. She led him on by suggesting he had no desire for the old life. “None at all,” she stressed. “Nope.” He smiled and said he had no desire for those things. He was completely free and completely changed.
I can say I hope that was true for him, but it wasn’t. He lied. He relapsed years later and died young.
I have no doubt God freed that man from his addictions and used him for His glory. And I have no doubt God freed me from mine. But there is one thing we can’t overlook: Our flesh!
Being freed from your chains does not free you from the consequences of your choices.
We all have it in us to go back.
You might be asking, what keeps me sober? If God gave me sobriety, but He is not keeping me from going back, then what does?
First, I can tell you there is not a man or woman, no prize or possession, that can keep me from self-destruction. If I put my hope in anything of this world and staked my peace, joy, freedom and sobriety on it, all would be lost in moments.
The most awesome earthly blessing God has given me are my wife and my kids. But I’m not sober today because of them. Having them in my heart helps, but they will drive me to use quicker than they’ll keep me from it. Relationships are challenging.
My obedience and sobriety is possible only by these reasons:
Fear of God
Love for God
Respect for God
Desire to Obey God
Come back next week and we’ll expound on these principles.
www.singwriteread.com
In the meantime, check out some of our other posts, like this one about not letting our past, or our scars, define who we are today.
“Seem Me first, and all these other things will be added to you,” Jesus told the crowd during His Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 6:33.
When 2022 rolled around I put my pen down. I only wrote a couple of blog posts the whole year, did not work on the book I was writing, nor the one I needed to edit, and I did not intend to make an album. Instead I spent the year dedicated to learning more about the craft that I feel I am to use to serve God. The gift of writing that He has blessed me with.
I also spent much of the year questioning this “passion” of mine, and sadly to say, I questioned it not because I did not feel God’s approval of it, but because I did not feel man’s approval of it.
Lord, please forgive me!
But God was still planning to do something with the foundation we had laid together over the last five years. While I was unproductive, at least in producing works, God guided me into a conversation with my friend and brother-in-law, Lucas Diaz. This was in February of 2022. It was during that conversation when Lucas told me about the music he was creating and posting on his YouTube channel, https://www.youtube.com/@ldmusic8764. I already new that Lucas was a talented and well trained musician, what you would call a professional, but what I learned that day was that he was also using digital mediums to craft his songs. This is important, because Lucas lives in Germany, and I am in the United States.
I asked Lucas if he’d consider making a song for me. I only asked for one. It was a song I wanted to record sooner than later because it was written in 2020, about 2020. It was a time sensitive piece. It will be the last song, and the longest song, on the album, By His Name. It is called Our Cities Burn with Fire.
Lucas immediately agreed. Which was a surprise to me because I am certain we had a similar conversation years ago that did not end up in agreement. But this time there was immediate agreement. I sent Lucas a demo of the song and a lyric sheet with chords, the same process we’d use for the next seven songs.
When the song was finished, I was blown away. I was even allowed to paly harmonica on this song. Then the surprises just kept coming. Lucas asked for another one. I graciously conceded another song, even giving Lucas access to my library so he could choose the songs. At the time I was pushing songs that I, as an amateur musician, could not easily play with one acoustic guitar and limited musical capabilities. You know, the more complex or abstract songs, which is a category Our Cities Burned with Fire fit into. Some of the songs didn’t see completion, others did. After working on several songs, we decided to make an album.
I got a little more selective in song choice, trying to balance the album with a mix of works. I gave Lucas complete creative freedom on every song, which means I didn’t tell him what I wanted it to sound like, what genre it should be, or what instruments should be on there. I’m a lyricist, first and foremost, I told him, you are the creator of the music, melodies, and harmonies. Whenever Lucas sent me a completed demo he always asked me to tell him if I liked it or if I wanted to try something different. He is a very humble and king man. I knew the answer before I listened to each demo. I gave my part to the song, and he gave his, and that is the way it would stay.
Lucas, David, and Chris
Editing “By His Name” onsite in Germany
The album would be complete just under a year after we started working on it together. The result is a beautiful and eclectic mix of music and sound. The album spans genres while always staying close to the heart. It is a blend of praise to God and the pain of seeing the results of the evil around us.
Lucas did the bulk of the work on this album, which is why I can honestly say I did not do much in 2022. For every hour I put in he probably put in four. I thank Lucas from the bottom of my heart for taking on this project with me, and I also thank God for being the head engineer.
This is because God, despite my failures and fickle emotions, uses what is available, including what we make available, to accomplish what He wants accomplished. God chose Lucas for this endeavor. I believe that. He prepared him musically, not just for this project alone, but He used that preparation for this project. When this project started, I don’t think either of us thought about whether God was choosing or engineering or using, we just started making songs. But in reflection, this project, regardless of the hours of work Lucas committed to, or the hours of time I spent writing these songs, this project is all God.
My question for you is this. When God chooses you, will you choose Him? Because when he uses You for the glory of His kingdom, you will know it. And it doesn’t matter what our response it, when God chooses us, the work will get done, regardless if we choose Him back.
The gift of choice is what makes us human, but it also gives us much power. We can choose how to handle our emotions, which path we will take when given an option, and how we will respond to God. The latter is a choice all will make, either with intention or in passivity. It doesn’t matter how the choice is made; it still gets made.
If your heart is considering God right now, it is not because of the words on this blog post. It is because God is speaking to you, to your heart. You can talk back to Him, in whispers or in silence, standing or kneeling, alone or in a crowd. He is available everywhere and anywhere, at anytime, just for you. Just talk back to Him. Tell Him your heart. Submit your feelings and emotions to Him. Finally, if you choose, ask Him into your heart for good.
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