Let’s start by answering the question, what keeps me sober? What is my highest motivation? When I am tempted I can honestly say there is one thing that helps me overcome, and it is not the love and respect of my family, the security of my job, or the opinions of those around me.
It is God. When I am tempted to fall, when I want to fall, God is the first to enter my meditations. Believing in and serving God is not something to be taken lightly, or to be treated as “a common thing.” We must understand who it is we serve and who we have bowed the knee to.
Fear of God
God is perfectly holy. He is perfect love and perfect judgement. He is the Creator of the universe, and of you! He is infinite and all-knowing. He loves me and He loves you so much that He came to earth to prove it. Knowing He would be crucified and would face a horrifying spiritual challenge that we can’t understand. Thereby giving you a way to enter into His perfect and holy presence.
Fear of God
God is awesome! He offers us salvation and eternal life, but only to those who fear Him and His judgement. I fear God’s judgment. I know when I see Him that I will be judged because I am not perfect. But I also know my penalty has been paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ.
This holy and respectful fear of God leads me to desire to be obedient to Him. To love Him back with my sacrifice. My sacrifice is to live a holy life. To walk as a living sacrifice to God. A life worthy of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Read 1 Peter 1:13-21
Respect for God
Even though God has saved me through His Son, Jesus Christ, and He has shown me without doubt that He loves me very much, I refuse to take that for granted. Again, as if it is a “common thing.” While I know I am saved, sober or not, I want to honor the gifts God has given me. Sobriety happens to be one of the least of those gifts, when compared to the sacrifice of His Son for my salvation.
Respect for God
It is truly my desire to honor God with my sobriety, and the fact that He gave it to me is enough for me to honor Him with it. How can I take His gift so lightly and behave so flippantly with it, and then say I have respect for God? I can do that with people and institutions, because I can lie and hide from them. Their ignorance is a salve for my conscience.
But it is not so with God. He is all-knowing and His Holy Spirit resides within me.
Read Hebrews 3:12-15
Love for God
The New Testament is full of God’s declaration of love for you. John 3:16 tells us God loves the world so much He sent His only Son to save us. Romans 5:8 tells us while we are still sinners He gave His life for us. Actually, Jesus gave His life while the people He came to save actively ridiculed Him for it. 1 John 4:19 tells us that we love Him only because He first loved us.
After being saved and becoming filled with the Holy Spirit, I can honestly say I have changed. The way I think about things, big things, like abortion, poverty, addiction, capitalism, and culture, have changed. This is an internal change, a change in the spirit and the soul. What I have more of is this: LOVE.
Love of God
My love for God pushes me to serve Him first, putting aside the desires of my selfish flesh. This includes alcohol and drugs. I don’t want to go back because I don’t want to lose sight of the love I have for God, or the love He has for me.
Ephesians 5:1-2 tells us to be imitators of God. Meaning to walk in love like Christ did. He gave Himself for us. He was a fragrant offering and a sacrifice to God. That’s what the Bible tells us to be, and that is what I want to be. If I start using again, even if I could control it, which I can’t, I would not be loving you like I’m commanded to. I would not be loving you like Christ loved you. Instead, I would be a stumbling block to you. Confusion to you. Even an enabler to you. That is not love. Sobriety is love.
Read Romans 14:14-23
Desire to Obey God
Fear of man can’t keep me from doing anything. Man has the ability to think, to plan, and to organize. If there is something man needs to get away with, he is able to at least convince himself he is smart enough to do so. My wife would be hurt if I started using again. My kids would be confused. As a person I would either be humiliated, or I would stand tall behind a façade of pride. But we would all get over it if we are all aware of our own imperfections. I don’t expect anyone to be perfect if I can’t. Therefor I can forgive an imperfection.
Obey God
But God is perfect. Although He understands and forgives my imperfections, I desire to please Him with my obedience. 1 Corinthians 9:24 and Hebrews 12:1 encourage me to run the race to the end, with the goal of winning it.
God also gives us His Holy Spirit, who in turn gives us the gift of conviction. Whenever I am tempted the Holy Spirit reminds me what He told me in that pizzeria years ago. It’s my choice if I want to give that gift back to God. I do not want to return anything God has given me, burdensome or not. I only want to obey Him. The conviction He gives us is positive conviction. It is conviction that leads us in the right direction and keeps us standing in the light.
Read Romans 12:1-2
In the end, any success you have over addiction, depression ,anxiety, anger, hate, will come from only one sustainable source, God. Here are some bullet points to get you on that track or put you back on it:
Accept Jesus as your Savior and ask for His Spirit to live in you and guide you. Your heart is the key here, not your words.
Read the Bible every day! Period. Ask God to speak and guide you as you read. Show up for God, every day.
Get involved with other Bible believing Christians. Search out and find a church that believes the Bible is the truth. Avoid liberal or progressive Christianity.
That should be enough to get you started. Reach out to me anytime.
Nearly 7 years ago in 2016 God gave me a miracle. After 25 years of chasing the dream through a bottle of booze, He freed me from alcoholism. I can’t tell you how I knew it was a reality. I just did. The miracle was delivered a few days after I completed an assignment given to me by my pastor. It was an assignment of forgiveness.
About a year later that miracle was tested. As I sat alone in a pizzeria that also sold craft beer, I was tempted to have some samples. Why not? I had been free for a year. I was closer to God than ever before. There was no threat of going back to what I was by sampling a couple of craft beers. Was there?
Sobriety
As I waited for the waitress to come back, God spoke to me. He said, “Chris, if you want to give back the gift I gave to you, then that is your choice.”
Ouch. I ordered water.
Late the next year, in 2017, I would give up drugs for good as well. This was done out of obedience to God, and the blessings of song that came from that will have to be told another time.
Recently I watched a young evangelist, who used to be an addict, tell the woman who was interviewing him that he was a changed man, fully and completely, from the inside out. She led him on by suggesting he had no desire for the old life. “None at all,” she stressed. “Nope.” He smiled and said he had no desire for those things. He was completely free and completely changed.
I can say I hope that was true for him, but it wasn’t. He lied. He relapsed years later and died young.
I have no doubt God freed that man from his addictions and used him for His glory. And I have no doubt God freed me from mine. But there is one thing we can’t overlook: Our flesh!
Being freed from your chains does not free you from the consequences of your choices.
We all have it in us to go back.
You might be asking, what keeps me sober? If God gave me sobriety, but He is not keeping me from going back, then what does?
First, I can tell you there is not a man or woman, no prize or possession, that can keep me from self-destruction. If I put my hope in anything of this world and staked my peace, joy, freedom and sobriety on it, all would be lost in moments.
The most awesome earthly blessing God has given me are my wife and my kids. But I’m not sober today because of them. Having them in my heart helps, but they will drive me to use quicker than they’ll keep me from it. Relationships are challenging.
My obedience and sobriety is possible only by these reasons:
Fear of God
Love for God
Respect for God
Desire to Obey God
Come back next week and we’ll expound on these principles.
www.singwriteread.com
In the meantime, check out some of our other posts, like this one about not letting our past, or our scars, define who we are today.
“Seem Me first, and all these other things will be added to you,” Jesus told the crowd during His Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 6:33.
When 2022 rolled around I put my pen down. I only wrote a couple of blog posts the whole year, did not work on the book I was writing, nor the one I needed to edit, and I did not intend to make an album. Instead I spent the year dedicated to learning more about the craft that I feel I am to use to serve God. The gift of writing that He has blessed me with.
I also spent much of the year questioning this “passion” of mine, and sadly to say, I questioned it not because I did not feel God’s approval of it, but because I did not feel man’s approval of it.
Lord, please forgive me!
But God was still planning to do something with the foundation we had laid together over the last five years. While I was unproductive, at least in producing works, God guided me into a conversation with my friend and brother-in-law, Lucas Diaz. This was in February of 2022. It was during that conversation when Lucas told me about the music he was creating and posting on his YouTube channel, https://www.youtube.com/@ldmusic8764. I already new that Lucas was a talented and well trained musician, what you would call a professional, but what I learned that day was that he was also using digital mediums to craft his songs. This is important, because Lucas lives in Germany, and I am in the United States.
I asked Lucas if he’d consider making a song for me. I only asked for one. It was a song I wanted to record sooner than later because it was written in 2020, about 2020. It was a time sensitive piece. It will be the last song, and the longest song, on the album, By His Name. It is called Our Cities Burn with Fire.
Lucas immediately agreed. Which was a surprise to me because I am certain we had a similar conversation years ago that did not end up in agreement. But this time there was immediate agreement. I sent Lucas a demo of the song and a lyric sheet with chords, the same process we’d use for the next seven songs.
When the song was finished, I was blown away. I was even allowed to paly harmonica on this song. Then the surprises just kept coming. Lucas asked for another one. I graciously conceded another song, even giving Lucas access to my library so he could choose the songs. At the time I was pushing songs that I, as an amateur musician, could not easily play with one acoustic guitar and limited musical capabilities. You know, the more complex or abstract songs, which is a category Our Cities Burned with Fire fit into. Some of the songs didn’t see completion, others did. After working on several songs, we decided to make an album.
I got a little more selective in song choice, trying to balance the album with a mix of works. I gave Lucas complete creative freedom on every song, which means I didn’t tell him what I wanted it to sound like, what genre it should be, or what instruments should be on there. I’m a lyricist, first and foremost, I told him, you are the creator of the music, melodies, and harmonies. Whenever Lucas sent me a completed demo he always asked me to tell him if I liked it or if I wanted to try something different. He is a very humble and king man. I knew the answer before I listened to each demo. I gave my part to the song, and he gave his, and that is the way it would stay.
Lucas, David, and Chris
Editing “By His Name” onsite in Germany
The album would be complete just under a year after we started working on it together. The result is a beautiful and eclectic mix of music and sound. The album spans genres while always staying close to the heart. It is a blend of praise to God and the pain of seeing the results of the evil around us.
Lucas did the bulk of the work on this album, which is why I can honestly say I did not do much in 2022. For every hour I put in he probably put in four. I thank Lucas from the bottom of my heart for taking on this project with me, and I also thank God for being the head engineer.
This is because God, despite my failures and fickle emotions, uses what is available, including what we make available, to accomplish what He wants accomplished. God chose Lucas for this endeavor. I believe that. He prepared him musically, not just for this project alone, but He used that preparation for this project. When this project started, I don’t think either of us thought about whether God was choosing or engineering or using, we just started making songs. But in reflection, this project, regardless of the hours of work Lucas committed to, or the hours of time I spent writing these songs, this project is all God.
My question for you is this. When God chooses you, will you choose Him? Because when he uses You for the glory of His kingdom, you will know it. And it doesn’t matter what our response it, when God chooses us, the work will get done, regardless if we choose Him back.
The gift of choice is what makes us human, but it also gives us much power. We can choose how to handle our emotions, which path we will take when given an option, and how we will respond to God. The latter is a choice all will make, either with intention or in passivity. It doesn’t matter how the choice is made; it still gets made.
If your heart is considering God right now, it is not because of the words on this blog post. It is because God is speaking to you, to your heart. You can talk back to Him, in whispers or in silence, standing or kneeling, alone or in a crowd. He is available everywhere and anywhere, at anytime, just for you. Just talk back to Him. Tell Him your heart. Submit your feelings and emotions to Him. Finally, if you choose, ask Him into your heart for good.
15 years of marriage has taught my wife, Caroll, and I a lot about ourselves, our relationships with God, and about life that is happening all around us, all the time. While marriage itself has its eye-opening moments, being in a multi-cultural marriage adds greatly to those benefits.
I am a Caucasian American, and Caroll is a beautiful Latina from Colombia. The cultural differences we’ve each brought into our married lives has made our family and our home richer, wiser, and more compassionate. Differences, however, can cause conflict just as easily as they bring increase.
Everyone who is married brings differences into the new home. Let’s not be naïve about this and assume Caroll and I are experiencing some kind of anomaly because we are from different continents, countries, and cultures (language included). When any two people get married, they are technically bringing in cultural differences.
Chris and Caroll
For example, the newly wed wife may be accustomed to eating dinner at 6 o’clock around the table with all family members present, while the newly wed husband has grown up eating at 5 o’clock in front of the nightly news with whoever showed up that evening. Likewise, we are joining a man and a woman together under the same roof, if you can’t see the differences there yourself there are plenty of books that will explain it.
Stark cultural differences can up the pressure, and if both parties don’t respond with empathy and compassion, then unbearable trouble can cause the house to collapse. Below are some observations we have made over the years about culture and the potential for confrontation, not only in marriage, but also in life.
Separation
Conflict
Domination
Growth
Separation
The presence of cultural differences in a home do not prelude the existence of separation. If Caroll and I felt that cultures could not be blended, or could not exist together in the same space, we would have a very isolated and unfulfilling marriage. One part of the house would be committed to Colombian décor, Latin music, and sancocho. While my part of the house would be dedicated to US nationalism. We wouldn’t be able to see each other through the blinders of our respective cultures.
Being keenly aware of our tendencies to celebrate our own cultures and histories, we have each embraced each other for who we are and celebrate cultural experiences together, as man and wife. To show my wife that I was dedicated to who she is and that I loved her South American spirit, I painted a huge Colombian flag on the basement wall when we bought our first house together. Reciprocally, Caroll decorates with American flags during the 4th of July. Not because she feels passionate about the 4th, but because she feels passionate about her husband. Right, honey?
Cultural differences often cause us to separate from one another. We want our favorite foods, to listen to the music we like, to dress the way that makes us feel good. All of this naturally draws others with similar tastes together, which in turn makes others feel unwelcome, or even afraid. As believers we must be the individuals who attempt to draw cultures together and make the stranger feel welcome, regardless of class, color, or creed. Read Matthew 25:34-36
Caroll introducing others to her culture
Conflict
Cultural clashes can cause conflict to erupt. How would you envision a marriage that existed under the threat of an argument, or even violence, every time a cultural inclination revealed itself? Is this not the very definition of selfishness and sin? We want things our way, to be comfortable in our surroundings at all times, that we drive away anything different and view it as threatening. Fight or flight kicks in, both causing separation, but the former causing conflict as well.
If every time Caroll made delicious Colombian food, like arepas, or plantains, or hogao, and I refused to eat, even reacting violently with the shove of a chair for instance, our marriage would quickly degrade under the burden of fear. Or if salsa music poured from the speakers when I came home, causing me to angrily rush to the power switch on the speaker, feelings of inadequacy would sprout and flourish. If our marriage were able to survive such abuse and belittling it would be an unfulfilling one at best, and a fist in the face of God at worse.
Is it possible to love and honor your spouse, as the Bible says, if we cannot accept and embrace who they are and where they have come from? Can we love our brother unconditionally, like the Bible says, if we cannot appreciate the cultural uniqueness of their home, or neighborhood?
No! We cannot!
If we cannot accept each other’s cultural differences as real and valid (from both sides, obviously), then we cannot say we have the love of God in our hearts. Read 1 John 4:20 if you think I’m being too harsh.
Domination
Finally, one culture cannot dominate the home or the environment. This forces the other to relinquish his or her culture, along with deep seeded feelings of identity, commitment, and love for who they are. Let me show this in an example.
If my wife came home every day to a house whose walls were filled with American flags, framed copies of the Declaration of Independence, posters of American movie and music icons, and Harley-Davidson paraphernalia, along with classic rock n roll constantly pouring loudly from the speakers, she would not feel appreciated or validated in who she was. There would be no room for her, no room for her identity as a Colombian woman, and no room for her to express herself with who she became in the first 25 years of her life as a Colombian. That is tragic.
When we force our culture onto those who surround us, we are causing friction and are being prideful, forsaking humility. James 4:6, along with many Proverbs on the subject, tells us God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Grace can translate to favor, favor to increase, and an increase in anything related to God means peace.
Growing a Solid Marriage
Growth
After reading about separation, conflict, and domination, a clear answer to peace in our home, (and elsewhere, in case you haven’t picked up on the underlying implications of this writing, for it reaches far beyond marriage), you might have recognized the solution for peace, happiness, and love in a multi-cultural marriage. You might have also thought of some benefits of two cultures being unified.
When two cultures blend, making room for one another while embracing their roots, a space is created for God to do wonderful things. We learn from one another, instead of insisting on our own way. We grow together, instead of maintaining a wall of separation. We create newness, instead of resisting change.
Because Caroll and I have blended our lives, our hearts, our cultures, and our love we have seen all these things and more. We have children who speak multiple languages and who have been introduced to and embrace multiple cultures in different parts of the world. We have created culinary masterpieces, combining my love for garlic and her love for cilantro. We have introduced each other to new things and experiences we would have missed out on while we were on this side of God’s creation.
When I look back on our marriage, I am not so proud that I cannot see the reason for the miracle that is our 15 years together. Our marriage, through the grace and love of God, has slowly been built onto His foundation. He has allowed us to accept one another and helped us see clearly so we could make decisions that were beneficial to our marriage instead of harmful. He has given us His Holy Spirit who promises peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, love, gentleness, joy and self-control. Even though we may struggle in the battle against self and selfishness, for we are still human, we have God on our side.
We have a marriage that has been re-dedicated to Him, to serve Him, no matter what. Our multi-cultural marriage reflects Jesus’s love for everyone, invites us to be reminded of His desire for all to be saved, form every country, every social class, every color, every race, and every culture.
Thank you for visiting Sing Write Read, where you will find all of Chris’ works in music, blogging, fiction and non-fiction. Don’t forget to sign up for our email list while you are here!
Great materials and support for your marriage can be found at Focus on the Family. Caroll and I listen to their podcasts, use their materials, and they even have great biblical materials for our kids. Check them out at:
Giving God complete authority and total control, and then submitting to that in spite of ourselves, is a monumental task for those with the strongest of faith. I recently walked through a test of faith, one in which I doubted everything I believed, and God, in His love, showed me the error of my ways.
The Test
She is a sister in Christ, and she is a warrior for God’s kingdom. She was also diagnosed with cancer months after her father passed away. We cried and we prayed for miraculous healing. We asked God to touch His beloved daughter with healing hands, to show her He was in control, and to ease the heavy burdens that life had placed on her so suddenly by demonstrating His abundant love for her.
She had the surgery, it was bigger than they thought, more surgeries and chemotherapy are to come, not to mention the stress of the inflated medical bills.
At the same time, we were praying for an aunt who went in for surgery to have a small tumor removed. It was a three-day process, from arrival to returning home. She went home four surgeries and three and a half weeks later.
Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”
Doubt
Little Faith – Doubt
In the wake of all this struggle and pain for those who are close to me I considered the prayers and pleas I had lifted up to God. I recognized that God is in control, that He is sovereign over everything, even within our own freewill. Experience has taught me that God does not answer every prayer the way we want, but He does answer, even if we don’t hear it or see it. But this was different. This affected my heart.
I prayed again to God over this matter, and I asked Him if He doesn’t answer these prayers, like the Bible says He will, then how do we know for certain that He is the one who provides for all of our needs, like the Bible says He does? I considered that the path we walk in this life is coincidence and chance, under freewill, instead of freewill under His will.
God is understanding and God is love. God does not mind these questions. He invites them. But I did not only ask questions, I believed in my heart that I knew the answers, and the answers did not glorify Him. Doubt had seeped into my veins and was now pumping through my entire body. This was a heart condition, not just questions of the mind.
Wrath
I repented for that doubt and for that prayer to Him the very next morning. I asked Him to forgive me, and it was sincere, at least I thought it was. But God was going to walk me through this one, He was going to make sure I got the message and learned the lesson.
The coming Friday night to the following Sunday morning I would experience what it was like to be under the wrath of God. You may think this list of events is kind of funny, or coincidental, but I can tell you that from the first incident to the last I felt the Holy Spirit’s involvement and guidance.
Friday night my cell phone flew from my hands and landed perfectly on the sidewalk to destroy it. As I watched the phone twist in the air and land like a pancake, I marveled at the perfection of it, and I knew there was meaning behind it.
Saturday morning, I spent over $1,000 to replace the phone and another piece of equipment I had broken the week prior. I was seeing my financial security being wiped away.
Upon arriving home, I found the deep freeze in the garage had stopped working. I spent the rest of my relaxing day dealing with it. We put some stuff in a neighbor’s fridge and started cooking and barbequing.
During the impromptu a lawn chair crumbled into three pieces beneath me as I sat in it.
The following morning, while at Sunday school, my wallet was stolen.
As I said earlier, it was the Holy Spirit who was communicating to me that these things were not coincidence, but they were from God, being dealt out with the sole intention to show me an answer to my prayer, that yes, indeed, He was and is in control. I felt it when the cell phone smacked the concrete, my heart knew it when over $1,000 left my bank account in less than 30 minutes, and I was on my knees begging for forgiveness when I found the deep freeze and all of its contents thawed out.
What I was feeling was the unbridled and very real fear of God. I was keenly aware that everything I had could be taken away in the snap of a finger because the Almighty, all-powerful God was in control. I was seeing my finances leave, my personal safety threatened, our comforts taken away, and God’s protection removed. I was scared. I was on my knees more than once that weekend.
Little Faith – Fear
Return to Grace
That same Sunday, after my wallet was given back to me by a police officer, thanks to security footage on my pastor’s cell phone (the church we attend is full of hurting and broken people, like all churches are, but it is visible here), God touched my heart during a specific worship song. I was singing, my hands open, and crying. What an awesome and loving Father we serve, for He had reprimanded me like any father should, and then showed love and mercy on the other side of it. He gently guides, teaches, and builds up.
Hebrews 12:-6
5 … “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; 6 For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”
God had simply reminded me what I already knew, that He is in control, although it is not our right nor within our capabilities to know all there is to know about Him and His plan. We know a lot, more than enough to know for certain that Jesus Christ is His Son and is the Messiah the Old Testament prophesied. We know more than enough to be without excuse.
1 Corinthians 13:12
12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
O you of little faith…
Matthew 8:26
26 But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.
But God was not done with me. After all of this He reminded me of all the miracles He has blessed me with, all the times He had shown me His presence, and all the mercy He had shown to me. It was not lost to me that through this journey of prayer, doubt, and rebuke, that none of these acts of mercy had entered my mind or graced my thoughts. How is that possible? How can we be so pitiful and incompetent with these priceless gifts that have been given to us, namely the grace and forgiveness we receive through Jesus Christ? How can we consistently return to doubt and unbelief when we already know the truth?
Mark 9:24
24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
Our faith is so weak, memories selective, our deserving of deliverance non-existence. Yet He shows up for us, yet He submitted to torture and death by His own creation to save that creation from itself, yet He still, to this day, loves us!
Little Faith – Fear of God
This is a testimony to the power, the sovereignty, and the loving hand of God. Consider it, for just like the events of the Bible, it happened, and it is true. If you need to talk to someone about Jesus or if you are ready to accept Him as your Savior, but aren’t sure how, or if you need a Bible, please contact me.
I leave you with Psalm 38 in its entirety. It is a psalm that reflects the experience of knowing God’s wrath and the fear of Him.
Psalm 38
1 O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your wrath, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure! 2 For Your arrows pierce me deeply, And Your hand presses me down.
3 There is no soundness in my flesh Because of Your anger, Nor any health in my bones Because of my sin. 4 For my iniquities have gone over my head; Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me. 5 My wounds are foul and festering Because of my foolishness.
6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. 7 For my loins are full of inflammation, And there is no soundness in my flesh. 8 I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.
9 Lord, all my desire is before You; And my sighing is not hidden from You. 10 My heart pants, my strength fails me; As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.
11 My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague, And my relatives stand afar off. 12 Those also who seek my life lay snares for me; Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction, And plan deception all the day long.
13 But I, like a deaf man, do not hear; And I am like a mute who does not open his mouth. 14 Thus I am like a man who does not hear, And in whose mouth is no response.
15 For in You, O Lord, I hope; You will hear, O Lord my God. 16 For I said, “Hear me, lest they rejoice over me, Lest, when my foot slips, they exalt themselves against me.”
17 For I am ready to fall, And my sorrow is continually before me. 18 For I will declare my iniquity; I will be in [d]anguish over my sin. 19 But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong; And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied. 20 Those also who render evil for good, They are my adversaries, because I follow what is good.
21 Do not forsake me, O Lord; O my God, be not far from me! 22 Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!
On Good Friday, I have to admit, I have a hard time seeing past the cross to the resurrection. Even knowing how the story ends, how Jesus rose and defeated the darkness and death, securing our salvation for eternity, I still am blinded with tears on this day. My heart breaks for Jesus, my Savior and Lord. I want to cry out to God and ask why there couldn’t have been another way. I am always seeking a better understanding.
We tend to give the disciples a lot of grief for their actions when they walked with Jesus. I don’t see it that way, at least not to the extent that it is often preached upon. The disciples were courageous men who were actively seeking God and waiting for the Christ. Even after 400 years of silence, these twelve men were seeking and were faithful. I often wonder what Nathaniel was doing under that tree.
What are some infractions made by the disciples?
John and James wanting to bring fire down on a non-believing town
Peter wanting to defend Jesus from capture and death
Thomas wanting to see the risen Jesus with his own eyes
These are normal responses to participating in something new and great, and wanting badly to be a part of it, to be relevant in exciting times, to stand courageous, and to do the right thing. I understand them, because here I am, on the other side of the resurrection, with the words of the New Testament at my disposal, and still, I struggle with the realities of pain and death and the profound righteousness and love of God.
When I set my eyes upon the cross on Good Friday, I see what John saw and feel what the disciples felt, tragedy and heartbreak. I see unjust suffering and the casual and proficient cruelty of men. I understand the fragility and weakness of their flesh and am able to sympathize with them.
Sad, but not Broken
Beyond the heartbreak the disciples felt, they also felt defeat and saw their dreams shattered. This is where we can part ways with them, for we can’t see defeat and shattered dreams. We know what happens on Sunday, and while our hearts may break alongside the disciples on Friday, we never experience the defeat they experienced, and we never have to, because Jesus Christ rose on the third day, cementing our salvation, and taking His place as King and Intercessor on our behalf. Rejoice, brothers and sisters, because we serve the living God and the risen Savior, and we are anointed with His Spirit. Jesus is ALIVE! Rejoice, because we worship God. We don’t worship, shouldn’t worship, and need to stop worshipping prophets and saints who are flesh and blood, who are human just like you and I, and who are dead. Jesus Christ is the ONLY Son of God, He IS GOD, and He is WORTHY of our totality.
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