15 years of marriage has taught my wife, Caroll, and I a lot about ourselves, our relationships with God, and about life that is happening all around us, all the time. While marriage itself has its eye-opening moments, being in a multi-cultural marriage adds greatly to those benefits.
I am a Caucasian American, and Caroll is a beautiful Latina from Colombia. The cultural differences we’ve each brought into our married lives has made our family and our home richer, wiser, and more compassionate. Differences, however, can cause conflict just as easily as they bring increase.
Everyone who is married brings differences into the new home. Let’s not be naïve about this and assume Caroll and I are experiencing some kind of anomaly because we are from different continents, countries, and cultures (language included). When any two people get married, they are technically bringing in cultural differences.
Chris and Caroll
For example, the newly wed wife may be accustomed to eating dinner at 6 o’clock around the table with all family members present, while the newly wed husband has grown up eating at 5 o’clock in front of the nightly news with whoever showed up that evening. Likewise, we are joining a man and a woman together under the same roof, if you can’t see the differences there yourself there are plenty of books that will explain it.
Stark cultural differences can up the pressure, and if both parties don’t respond with empathy and compassion, then unbearable trouble can cause the house to collapse. Below are some observations we have made over the years about culture and the potential for confrontation, not only in marriage, but also in life.
Separation
Conflict
Domination
Growth
Separation
The presence of cultural differences in a home do not prelude the existence of separation. If Caroll and I felt that cultures could not be blended, or could not exist together in the same space, we would have a very isolated and unfulfilling marriage. One part of the house would be committed to Colombian décor, Latin music, and sancocho. While my part of the house would be dedicated to US nationalism. We wouldn’t be able to see each other through the blinders of our respective cultures.
Being keenly aware of our tendencies to celebrate our own cultures and histories, we have each embraced each other for who we are and celebrate cultural experiences together, as man and wife. To show my wife that I was dedicated to who she is and that I loved her South American spirit, I painted a huge Colombian flag on the basement wall when we bought our first house together. Reciprocally, Caroll decorates with American flags during the 4th of July. Not because she feels passionate about the 4th, but because she feels passionate about her husband. Right, honey?
Cultural differences often cause us to separate from one another. We want our favorite foods, to listen to the music we like, to dress the way that makes us feel good. All of this naturally draws others with similar tastes together, which in turn makes others feel unwelcome, or even afraid. As believers we must be the individuals who attempt to draw cultures together and make the stranger feel welcome, regardless of class, color, or creed. Read Matthew 25:34-36
Caroll introducing others to her culture
Conflict
Cultural clashes can cause conflict to erupt. How would you envision a marriage that existed under the threat of an argument, or even violence, every time a cultural inclination revealed itself? Is this not the very definition of selfishness and sin? We want things our way, to be comfortable in our surroundings at all times, that we drive away anything different and view it as threatening. Fight or flight kicks in, both causing separation, but the former causing conflict as well.
If every time Caroll made delicious Colombian food, like arepas, or plantains, or hogao, and I refused to eat, even reacting violently with the shove of a chair for instance, our marriage would quickly degrade under the burden of fear. Or if salsa music poured from the speakers when I came home, causing me to angrily rush to the power switch on the speaker, feelings of inadequacy would sprout and flourish. If our marriage were able to survive such abuse and belittling it would be an unfulfilling one at best, and a fist in the face of God at worse.
Is it possible to love and honor your spouse, as the Bible says, if we cannot accept and embrace who they are and where they have come from? Can we love our brother unconditionally, like the Bible says, if we cannot appreciate the cultural uniqueness of their home, or neighborhood?
No! We cannot!
If we cannot accept each other’s cultural differences as real and valid (from both sides, obviously), then we cannot say we have the love of God in our hearts. Read 1 John 4:20 if you think I’m being too harsh.
Domination
Finally, one culture cannot dominate the home or the environment. This forces the other to relinquish his or her culture, along with deep seeded feelings of identity, commitment, and love for who they are. Let me show this in an example.
If my wife came home every day to a house whose walls were filled with American flags, framed copies of the Declaration of Independence, posters of American movie and music icons, and Harley-Davidson paraphernalia, along with classic rock n roll constantly pouring loudly from the speakers, she would not feel appreciated or validated in who she was. There would be no room for her, no room for her identity as a Colombian woman, and no room for her to express herself with who she became in the first 25 years of her life as a Colombian. That is tragic.
When we force our culture onto those who surround us, we are causing friction and are being prideful, forsaking humility. James 4:6, along with many Proverbs on the subject, tells us God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Grace can translate to favor, favor to increase, and an increase in anything related to God means peace.
Growing a Solid Marriage
Growth
After reading about separation, conflict, and domination, a clear answer to peace in our home, (and elsewhere, in case you haven’t picked up on the underlying implications of this writing, for it reaches far beyond marriage), you might have recognized the solution for peace, happiness, and love in a multi-cultural marriage. You might have also thought of some benefits of two cultures being unified.
When two cultures blend, making room for one another while embracing their roots, a space is created for God to do wonderful things. We learn from one another, instead of insisting on our own way. We grow together, instead of maintaining a wall of separation. We create newness, instead of resisting change.
Because Caroll and I have blended our lives, our hearts, our cultures, and our love we have seen all these things and more. We have children who speak multiple languages and who have been introduced to and embrace multiple cultures in different parts of the world. We have created culinary masterpieces, combining my love for garlic and her love for cilantro. We have introduced each other to new things and experiences we would have missed out on while we were on this side of God’s creation.
When I look back on our marriage, I am not so proud that I cannot see the reason for the miracle that is our 15 years together. Our marriage, through the grace and love of God, has slowly been built onto His foundation. He has allowed us to accept one another and helped us see clearly so we could make decisions that were beneficial to our marriage instead of harmful. He has given us His Holy Spirit who promises peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, love, gentleness, joy and self-control. Even though we may struggle in the battle against self and selfishness, for we are still human, we have God on our side.
We have a marriage that has been re-dedicated to Him, to serve Him, no matter what. Our multi-cultural marriage reflects Jesus’s love for everyone, invites us to be reminded of His desire for all to be saved, form every country, every social class, every color, every race, and every culture.
Thank you for visiting Sing Write Read, where you will find all of Chris’ works in music, blogging, fiction and non-fiction. Don’t forget to sign up for our email list while you are here!
Great materials and support for your marriage can be found at Focus on the Family. Caroll and I listen to their podcasts, use their materials, and they even have great biblical materials for our kids. Check them out at:
Giving God complete authority and total control, and then submitting to that in spite of ourselves, is a monumental task for those with the strongest of faith. I recently walked through a test of faith, one in which I doubted everything I believed, and God, in His love, showed me the error of my ways.
The Test
She is a sister in Christ, and she is a warrior for God’s kingdom. She was also diagnosed with cancer months after her father passed away. We cried and we prayed for miraculous healing. We asked God to touch His beloved daughter with healing hands, to show her He was in control, and to ease the heavy burdens that life had placed on her so suddenly by demonstrating His abundant love for her.
She had the surgery, it was bigger than they thought, more surgeries and chemotherapy are to come, not to mention the stress of the inflated medical bills.
At the same time, we were praying for an aunt who went in for surgery to have a small tumor removed. It was a three-day process, from arrival to returning home. She went home four surgeries and three and a half weeks later.
Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God…”
Doubt
Little Faith – Doubt
In the wake of all this struggle and pain for those who are close to me I considered the prayers and pleas I had lifted up to God. I recognized that God is in control, that He is sovereign over everything, even within our own freewill. Experience has taught me that God does not answer every prayer the way we want, but He does answer, even if we don’t hear it or see it. But this was different. This affected my heart.
I prayed again to God over this matter, and I asked Him if He doesn’t answer these prayers, like the Bible says He will, then how do we know for certain that He is the one who provides for all of our needs, like the Bible says He does? I considered that the path we walk in this life is coincidence and chance, under freewill, instead of freewill under His will.
God is understanding and God is love. God does not mind these questions. He invites them. But I did not only ask questions, I believed in my heart that I knew the answers, and the answers did not glorify Him. Doubt had seeped into my veins and was now pumping through my entire body. This was a heart condition, not just questions of the mind.
Wrath
I repented for that doubt and for that prayer to Him the very next morning. I asked Him to forgive me, and it was sincere, at least I thought it was. But God was going to walk me through this one, He was going to make sure I got the message and learned the lesson.
The coming Friday night to the following Sunday morning I would experience what it was like to be under the wrath of God. You may think this list of events is kind of funny, or coincidental, but I can tell you that from the first incident to the last I felt the Holy Spirit’s involvement and guidance.
Friday night my cell phone flew from my hands and landed perfectly on the sidewalk to destroy it. As I watched the phone twist in the air and land like a pancake, I marveled at the perfection of it, and I knew there was meaning behind it.
Saturday morning, I spent over $1,000 to replace the phone and another piece of equipment I had broken the week prior. I was seeing my financial security being wiped away.
Upon arriving home, I found the deep freeze in the garage had stopped working. I spent the rest of my relaxing day dealing with it. We put some stuff in a neighbor’s fridge and started cooking and barbequing.
During the impromptu a lawn chair crumbled into three pieces beneath me as I sat in it.
The following morning, while at Sunday school, my wallet was stolen.
As I said earlier, it was the Holy Spirit who was communicating to me that these things were not coincidence, but they were from God, being dealt out with the sole intention to show me an answer to my prayer, that yes, indeed, He was and is in control. I felt it when the cell phone smacked the concrete, my heart knew it when over $1,000 left my bank account in less than 30 minutes, and I was on my knees begging for forgiveness when I found the deep freeze and all of its contents thawed out.
What I was feeling was the unbridled and very real fear of God. I was keenly aware that everything I had could be taken away in the snap of a finger because the Almighty, all-powerful God was in control. I was seeing my finances leave, my personal safety threatened, our comforts taken away, and God’s protection removed. I was scared. I was on my knees more than once that weekend.
Little Faith – Fear
Return to Grace
That same Sunday, after my wallet was given back to me by a police officer, thanks to security footage on my pastor’s cell phone (the church we attend is full of hurting and broken people, like all churches are, but it is visible here), God touched my heart during a specific worship song. I was singing, my hands open, and crying. What an awesome and loving Father we serve, for He had reprimanded me like any father should, and then showed love and mercy on the other side of it. He gently guides, teaches, and builds up.
Hebrews 12:-6
5 … “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; 6 For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.”
God had simply reminded me what I already knew, that He is in control, although it is not our right nor within our capabilities to know all there is to know about Him and His plan. We know a lot, more than enough to know for certain that Jesus Christ is His Son and is the Messiah the Old Testament prophesied. We know more than enough to be without excuse.
1 Corinthians 13:12
12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
O you of little faith…
Matthew 8:26
26 But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.
But God was not done with me. After all of this He reminded me of all the miracles He has blessed me with, all the times He had shown me His presence, and all the mercy He had shown to me. It was not lost to me that through this journey of prayer, doubt, and rebuke, that none of these acts of mercy had entered my mind or graced my thoughts. How is that possible? How can we be so pitiful and incompetent with these priceless gifts that have been given to us, namely the grace and forgiveness we receive through Jesus Christ? How can we consistently return to doubt and unbelief when we already know the truth?
Mark 9:24
24 Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
Our faith is so weak, memories selective, our deserving of deliverance non-existence. Yet He shows up for us, yet He submitted to torture and death by His own creation to save that creation from itself, yet He still, to this day, loves us!
Little Faith – Fear of God
This is a testimony to the power, the sovereignty, and the loving hand of God. Consider it, for just like the events of the Bible, it happened, and it is true. If you need to talk to someone about Jesus or if you are ready to accept Him as your Savior, but aren’t sure how, or if you need a Bible, please contact me.
I leave you with Psalm 38 in its entirety. It is a psalm that reflects the experience of knowing God’s wrath and the fear of Him.
Psalm 38
1 O Lord, do not rebuke me in Your wrath, Nor chasten me in Your hot displeasure! 2 For Your arrows pierce me deeply, And Your hand presses me down.
3 There is no soundness in my flesh Because of Your anger, Nor any health in my bones Because of my sin. 4 For my iniquities have gone over my head; Like a heavy burden they are too heavy for me. 5 My wounds are foul and festering Because of my foolishness.
6 I am troubled, I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long. 7 For my loins are full of inflammation, And there is no soundness in my flesh. 8 I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.
9 Lord, all my desire is before You; And my sighing is not hidden from You. 10 My heart pants, my strength fails me; As for the light of my eyes, it also has gone from me.
11 My loved ones and my friends stand aloof from my plague, And my relatives stand afar off. 12 Those also who seek my life lay snares for me; Those who seek my hurt speak of destruction, And plan deception all the day long.
13 But I, like a deaf man, do not hear; And I am like a mute who does not open his mouth. 14 Thus I am like a man who does not hear, And in whose mouth is no response.
15 For in You, O Lord, I hope; You will hear, O Lord my God. 16 For I said, “Hear me, lest they rejoice over me, Lest, when my foot slips, they exalt themselves against me.”
17 For I am ready to fall, And my sorrow is continually before me. 18 For I will declare my iniquity; I will be in [d]anguish over my sin. 19 But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong; And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied. 20 Those also who render evil for good, They are my adversaries, because I follow what is good.
21 Do not forsake me, O Lord; O my God, be not far from me! 22 Make haste to help me, O Lord, my salvation!
On Good Friday, I have to admit, I have a hard time seeing past the cross to the resurrection. Even knowing how the story ends, how Jesus rose and defeated the darkness and death, securing our salvation for eternity, I still am blinded with tears on this day. My heart breaks for Jesus, my Savior and Lord. I want to cry out to God and ask why there couldn’t have been another way. I am always seeking a better understanding.
We tend to give the disciples a lot of grief for their actions when they walked with Jesus. I don’t see it that way, at least not to the extent that it is often preached upon. The disciples were courageous men who were actively seeking God and waiting for the Christ. Even after 400 years of silence, these twelve men were seeking and were faithful. I often wonder what Nathaniel was doing under that tree.
What are some infractions made by the disciples?
John and James wanting to bring fire down on a non-believing town
Peter wanting to defend Jesus from capture and death
Thomas wanting to see the risen Jesus with his own eyes
These are normal responses to participating in something new and great, and wanting badly to be a part of it, to be relevant in exciting times, to stand courageous, and to do the right thing. I understand them, because here I am, on the other side of the resurrection, with the words of the New Testament at my disposal, and still, I struggle with the realities of pain and death and the profound righteousness and love of God.
When I set my eyes upon the cross on Good Friday, I see what John saw and feel what the disciples felt, tragedy and heartbreak. I see unjust suffering and the casual and proficient cruelty of men. I understand the fragility and weakness of their flesh and am able to sympathize with them.
Sad, but not Broken
Beyond the heartbreak the disciples felt, they also felt defeat and saw their dreams shattered. This is where we can part ways with them, for we can’t see defeat and shattered dreams. We know what happens on Sunday, and while our hearts may break alongside the disciples on Friday, we never experience the defeat they experienced, and we never have to, because Jesus Christ rose on the third day, cementing our salvation, and taking His place as King and Intercessor on our behalf. Rejoice, brothers and sisters, because we serve the living God and the risen Savior, and we are anointed with His Spirit. Jesus is ALIVE! Rejoice, because we worship God. We don’t worship, shouldn’t worship, and need to stop worshipping prophets and saints who are flesh and blood, who are human just like you and I, and who are dead. Jesus Christ is the ONLY Son of God, He IS GOD, and He is WORTHY of our totality.
On my last trip through the Book of Esther I wasn’t looking for anything in particular. I knew the story well enough to know the major events and the theme of the book, namely that “…who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14) If we live by faith, we believe God is guiding our steps and the destinies of men and nations. We also believe Esther was free to choose the path she would take, as the first half of verse 14 clearly says, if you don’t do it God will get it done another way, because His will be done. (Esther 4:14 and Matthew 6:10) We can also assume that if we are walking in faith with the intention of doing God’s will, that He will cover our mistakes, blunders, and failures, and He will see us to the end.
Although I wasn’t looking for anything in particular as I read Esther again, that doesn’t mean I wasn’t looking for anything. On the contrary, when I read the Bible, I’m always looking for something new: a new revelation, a new avenue, a new truth, a new lesson, and I found one in Esther. Check this out!
The Godless Book
Esther is commonly called the ‘godless book!’ What!?! Similarly, when people say that Jesus’ 12 disciples were riffraff and unworthy of their call, I completely disagree. The 12 disciples were devoted seekers of the Messiah. They knew the Torah and they loved God. Imperfect as they were, as we all are, they were worthy, and hand-picked by God to serve.
I understand why Esther is called the ‘godless book.’ It is because God is not mentioned in the book, and amazingly so, given the countless opportunities to mention Him and His hand in the story. One writer pointed out that the Jews were in a very dark place at the time Esther occurred. They were in exile for being rebellious, and their rebellion was severe; they had turned their backs on God in favor of idols and men. While this may have played a part, I believe the characteristics of the Book of Esther are intentional, as is the entire Bible, guided by God.
Look, He’s Right There!
The Holy Spirit is God. The Holy Spirit is the fraction of the Trinity that displays God’s presence and divine intervention and protection for His people, the Jews, in the Book of Esther. I wonder if this isn’t part of the reason God chose to leave His name out of this book, so He could show us, and remind us, that His Spirit is always present and always at work. Even in the most godless of settings, the Holy Spirit cannot be kept out. He can show up and touch someone’s heart in that place of darkness, because the darkness has no power over Him.
I see the work of the Holy Spirit throughout the Book of Esther, beginning to end. The book begins with the queen rejecting the king, which was foolish and likely unheard of (but this is what was needed to put Esther into position), and it ends with the Jews earning providential favor from the king to destroy their enemies, who were the king’s own people. If the events at the beginning and the events at the end don’t have you scratching your head and wondering how these things could have come to be, then you are missing the divine intervention, which is present throughout the book.
These are afterthoughts for me though. The part of the story that spoke to me, the part that inspired this writing, took place right in the middle. It came right at the heart of the story, when everything was heating up and ready to explode, that is where I saw God’s whisper. After Esther had approached the king for the first time, when she unexplainably (there it is again) failed to discuss the situation with Haman and her people, she had essentially signed Mordecai’s death sentence. That very day Haman received counsel from his wife and friends that resulted in the building of the gallows that would hang Mordecai the next morning. At this point, Esther had failed her uncle.
Do you know that your failures, your hesitations, your imperfections cannot thwart the plans of God?
It takes the Bible to understand the Bible. What I mean is you have to read the whole thing to understand it in parts. You can’t read the Book of Esther by itself and find God without reading the rest of the Bible. You can’t read the New Testament and understand the significance of Jesus’ arrival to the disciples (among many other things) without reading the Old Testament. As I read Esther, I was also reading Proverbs, and I didn’t just happen to be near Proverbs 21, I was led there.
1 The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.
This is where God showed His presence to me in the Book of Esther. After Esther procrastinates, leaving the door open for Haman to hang her uncle, watch what the Lord does; He covers for her. In the middle of the night, while Haman was out building the gallows, the king is robbed of his sleep. He asks for the chronicles of the kingdom to be read to him, and who should appear in the reading? Mordecai! My friends, if you believe in coincidences then you need to do a health check on your faith. As a result, Haman parades his enemy around on the king’s horse, dressed in the king’s robe, wearing the king’s royal crest, in place of hanging him from the gallows.
Proverbs 21:1 is revealed to us as a powerful testimony that God stands firm on His word. The events of that night are verbatim with what this proverb says, that God is in control, it is He who holds the heart of the king in His hand, it is He who has the power, and it is He who directs the steps of even the most powerful and hard-hearted men into His will. The Book of Esther is a testimony of how God can take any situation, any mistake, any hesitation, and any person and have His will done.
Key Points
My friends, this is what I want to leave you with:
If you feel it is too late for you to come onto the path God has for you, it most certainly is not! You must refuse to believe that the Almighty, all-powerful God, is limited by our weaknesses and imperfections. He can take you wherever you are and put you right where He intended you to be, right where He needs you, regardless of your doubt and delay, if, as it says 3 times in Joshua 1, you can “be strong and of good courage!”
Never make doctrinal or theological decisions or conclusions based on a single verse or chapter of the Bible. The Bible is a living book, one that guides and speaks to you. Its truths are concrete, and its revelations run deep. Absorb the whole thing and never, ever, stop reading it.
You are never alone, no matter how distant you feel from God, and these days, how distant you feel from the people around you. The Holy Spirit is always with you, always. He doesn’t pester you or push you, but He is there when you need Him and when you look for Him. Call on Him, talk to Him, just like you talk to the Father and to Jesus. He loves you and He is for you.
Never assume you’ve gotten all your going to get out of certain book or passage in the Bible. When most people think about Esther, they think about being in the place God put you in and doing what He intends for you to do. But is there not so much more in this book? So much more revelation, some of which we discussed in the paragraphs above? Keep searching, reading, and digging deeper with God. There will always be more because it is impossible for us to have it all this side of heaven, and that is a beautiful thing.
Esther 4
14 For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
Matthew 6
10 Your kingdom come. Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven.
Proverbs 21
1 The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.
Every New Year’s Eve our family sits down and watches a slideshow of pictures and videos from the closing year. It has become a beloved family tradition, the kids even start asking me about the presentation a month or two in advance, making sure its production had already started. Next year I vow to start that production process before December 29th!
As we watch this video together, usually late on New Year’s Eve, we are reminded of the good and happy times we shared as a family, the people we shared them with, the trips we took, and the memories that have the potential to last a lifetime. But this year, more than any other, I looked back onto with a heavy heart. As I meditated on that, I realized how foolish I was being, because the few negative events that I allowed to define 2021 had overshadowed, even buried, the abundance of good that I and my family experienced. Let me explain.
The Bad Things
In February of 2021, our son was involved in a bad sledding accident. He was seriously injured and had to be flown to St. Louis Children’s Hospital for immediate brain surgery. His skull was badly fractured. All glory to God, he was operated on immediately, was home six days later, and has had a complete recovery. I continue to express my thankfulness to the skilled and disciplined surgeons who played a vital role in saving my son’s life. We were more than overjoyed to have him back home, but the lingering effects of that trauma infected my wife and I long after our son and daughter had moved on from it. We suffered, we were sad regardless of the miracles we witnessed, and we were questioning ourselves.
One morning in July I arrived early to the office. My neighbor had called me asking if I’d seen her boyfriend, who had been living with her for the past three years. They are both in their sixties, he was retired, and she was up north visiting her mother. The day before some people came to that house to meet with this man, who was my friend, but he was not there. Knowing something was wrong I went over to take a look around. I went into the house, honestly assuming he had a heart attack, but he was not there. Then I walked the property. Looking ahead I saw an image that did not register in my mind at first. As I got closer, I could see that my friend had tipped his zero-turn lawn mower over into their small fishing pond and drowned. I won’t describe the scene.
In August I had some serious arguments with others in my business over a sister company I had created six years earlier. The services provided by this company were successful, and the struggles of the first three years had paid off, but everyone in the company rebelled against it. They didn’t want to do that type of work. I decided to close that company, regardless of the financial ignorance of the move. I felt betrayed and abandoned by everyone in my company.
Then in November I experienced another betrayal, a bad one. It still hurts today. I won’t discuss that one.
I’m not writing all this for sympathy, but the stories need to be told so I can show you how a handful of negative occurrences can define our lives, and we don’t think we have a choice in the matter. When I looked back on 2021 those events were what I saw, and they were all I saw. I saw tragedy, guilt, pain, death, loss, and betrayal. I was down when New Year’s approached, and I was anxious for it to end. I admitted there were good things that happened in 2021, our epic family vacation to the National Parks in the west for example, but they did nothing to chip away at that mountain of loss and pain that dominated the horizon we had left behind us. As the New Year approached, knowing I would have to face my family and honestly tell them how I viewed 2021, I was forced to take a hard look at it, and I’m glad I was led to do so.
Reflections on 2021
The Good Things
First, I looked into 2021 for anything that was good, not good, but great, that was outside of the joys of any particular day. Our family vacation took the top spot, hands down. After our son’s accident we were unsure if we’d be able to take this trip we had planned. It was early into his recovery when my wife and I decided to just go for it, if nothing else as a celebration of our son’s life. If we were only to see the Grand Canyon and Yosemite and the Sequoias from the car, then so be it. When we left he was still on restrictions from jumping around while the skull fracture healed, and it was difficult to comply to that, but we experienced a family vacation that lacked in nothing. The trip even took us four days longer than scheduled, and since I’m self-employed and the Lord led us to homeschool our kids in this season, it was no problem to joyfully extend our trip. We didn’t want it to end!
When we got home one of the next projects that highlighted the year was the publishing of my website and blog, www.SingWriteRead.com, which included creating 12 blog posts. This was the culmination of a vision that took over a year to realize. It is a blog type website that promotes blog posts, song lyrics, other writings, and links to my YouTube channel where you can find recordings of most of my songs.
Speaking of YouTube, 2021 is the year I started my most cherished playlist on the channel, “Inside the Ink.” This is an ongoing project where I give a brief narrative of the song and how it was written. I love this project. It allows me to take our viewers inside the songwriting process, or to dissect the lyrics, or to point out important biblical truths in the songs.
In late 2021 I was able to complete my second unpublished book, “A Light in the Darkness,” which is the sequel to the first one written in 2020 (if you have advice on how to confidently publish a book, let me know). A trilogy is planned to complete the series, and God willing it will be written in 2022!
I was also able to write 8 new songs last year. While 8 in a year is the lowest output I’ve experienced since I started writing again in late 2017, I look back on these songs and really dig all of them. Some I have already shared on YouTube.
Last year I replaced our Facebook Live Worship Sessions of 2020 with live performances at the Victory Dream Center food pantry on Sunday afternoons. This was an answer to prayer and the guidance of God. I longed with love in my heart to play these songs for the hurting people around us, and God delivered. I played for the people in the food pantry line for most Sunday’s last year and gave away many copies of my CD, “The Tragedy of Complexity” in the process. What a blessing.
By years end, that sister company I decided to scrap because of the rejection of my co-workers, we ended up selling it, and God confirmed the move both before the decision and after!
Also in 2021, our son and our daughter are healthy and happy, the coronavirus pandemic has not troubled our family too much, we have not lost anybody close to us due to sickness like countless others have (on that premise alone we can only be thankful as so many around us have experience excruciating loss of sometimes multiple family members and friends).
The Conclusion
Even now, when I read that list of positive events and creative output, I marvel at how I could have ever thought negatively about 2021. After all, our son survived, we sold part of our company, we created a lot of material for the Kingdom of God, as a family we grew closer to God; it just blows my mind how blessed we have been. As I dissected the reasoning behind my negative outlook, this is what I found:
The bad things do not need longevity to become monumental
When we accomplish something great, how long will we be satisfied with that accomplishment if nobody values or recognizes it? Not very long. We thrive on positive affirmation. Negative experiences, on the other hand, hurt, and hurt can be impacting. It doesn’t matter if the lingering effects of the event last for months or for minutes, you’re going to remember that pain if it was significant. Nobody has to acknowledge the hurt you experienced for you to remember it, to dwell on it, or even to allow it to define you. It is true someone may need to acknowledge it for you to heal from it, but let’s face it, it is hard to heal from bad experiences.
As a result, all the negative things we’ve experienced over the last year stand front and center in our memories, and if we are not careful, they can define who we are, how we speak, and what we think. They can affect relationships, your health, even the core of who you are, your personality. They can do damage to your relationship with God. A negative outlook is like a cancer to the emotions, degrading your vibe until it withers and wastes away.
Be intentional about the good in your life
I have come to the conclusion that we must intentionally look for the good, the positive, and the great things that we experience and accomplish, and allow them to define our lives. Otherwise, without this intentional focus, the negative will darken the noon-day sky. Being defined by first our faith, joy, and security in God, and then by contentment and a positive outlook, will likely produce dramatic change in most of our lives, if we just choose to focus on it. I say choose for a reason. There are many things we think just happen to us that are out of our control, but in reality, we choose them. We choose, based on what we can clearly see and by what is written on our hearts, to believe in God. We choose to believe by faith that the Bible is the infallible, inerrant, inspired word of God. We choose to love our spouse and our kids when we don’t “feel” like it. Yes, you choose to love! Then why should it be unreasonable to choose to focus on the good in our lives? It’s not.
Bury the bad
How do you bury the bad? You forgive. Sometimes that means you need to forgive yourself, like I had to do after my son got hurt. Other times it is forgiving another person, or God, or even someone who may no longer be with us. Forgiveness is a requirement of the Christian life, and books have been written on what that looks like from a believer’s perspective. Again, it is something we choose to do, something we give to God, and being the loving Father that He is, He takes the burden from us. Forgiveness is potentially the most liberating act we can participate in. Carrying unforgiveness causes hate, bitterness, and sorrow, and this keeps the negative and bad memories of our past front and center in our lives.
You also bury the bad by putting everything under the supreme management team, Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. If your business, or passion, or life’s work collapses in shambles, give that to God and let Him make you into something great, like the phoenix rising out of the ashes. If you have a deep hurt or betrayal, turn to God for healing and peace, for He gives peace that transcends human understanding or ability. If you’re not getting the recognition you deserve, give that to God and let Him have the praise for it (ask yourself, who do you serve and who do you work for? The praise and glory of God, or the praise and glory of men?)
We must change the way we tell our story
Finally, the next time someone asks you about your life, pause before you answer. Consider what you are going to say. If you are tempted, like I almost always am, to point out all the challenges you’ve had over the past month, focus on a few of the good things that have happened and start with those items. By changing the way we tell our story we are not denying the existence of the problems we face, rather we are choosing not to let them define us, our responses, and our actions. There is a time and a place and a person to vent the negatives too, but start off with the good, you and your Lord will shine brighter for it.
I write this because I am guilty of it, and I pray that God will help me change the way I respond to and view life. It has caused me to see myself as a negative person, and I don’t like it, neither does anyone else. I want to change who I am, and I want to change how I serve God, with a joyful and grateful heart. I want to be more like Jesus. Lord, please help me.
Romans 12
1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
I recently went down to Mayfield, Kentucky for two days to volunteer, hoping to help the tornado destroyed city and its residents anyway I could. Having a forestry background, I packed my chainsaw and the necessary personal protective gear into the trunk of my car. I realized I would probably be required to do something other than running a chainsaw, but I wanted to be prepared to offer the only skill I had become really good at, just in case it was needed. Driving into Mayfield at seven o’clock in the morning I missed the turn that would take me to the Samaritan’s Purse headquarters, which is the organization I signed up to volunteer with. By missing the turn, I ended up driving straight into downtown. I cried. That overwhelming feeling of sorrow stayed with me for much of the morning, and I wondered what I could do to help the victims of this storm to make it through, or how I could help them cling to God after unimaginable loss and sorrow. The answer was, more or less, nothing. Not because there was nothing to be done, it was because of the word “I.”
Mayfield First United Methodist Church in Mayfield, KY
Mercy Health Hospital in Mayfield, KY
What can be worse than loss of life and possessions?
I think my greatest source of sorrow when disaster strikes a town, or a family, or an individual, is considering how the victims of the tragedy will react towards God. You have to admit that if a person believes in God or not, almost everyone who experiences something like this will talk to God in one way or another; either to seek Him for His comfort, or to curse Him for His apathy. Disaster and pain have a tendency to make temporal believers out of all of us. Do you know why that is? It is because the truth is written on all of our hearts, but our selfish bodies, along with the distractions of life, are really good at ignoring it. Then we realize we have no control and no guarantees, and through our fear we see Him clearly. Some of us through the lens of hope, others through a filter of anger, hate, and shame. The shame comes from knowing we have denied Him all this time, denied what we knew to be true, but now we feel it is too late, and that we can’t give in now, forced into submission by tragedy and sorrow. No, we will wait for a time when we can consider it, Him, on our own terms.
Yes, my greatest sorrow in times and places like these is that those who do not know God will have gathered more ammunition to use against God, to reject His existence. While others who do believe in Him will become angry and bitter, and eventually turning their backs on Him, leaving their faith behind. Does it take a strong Christian to turn to God in praise and thanksgiving in times of loss? I don’t think so and I hope not. Who are we to say how the Holy Spirit can move in someone’s heart in any given situation? While those who are stronger in faith will likely turn to God, some will not. Likewise, some who have been far away may find themselves looking towards Him for the healing and the hope that is only found in Him, some for the first time.
Why go?
You may be asking, as I did when I arrived, if I knew there was nothing I could do to make any difference in Mayfield, then why did I go? First and foremost, the Holy Spirit guided me to. The longing I had to be there alongside suffering brothers and sisters was irresistible and only explainable through the continual sensitizing of my heart by the Holy Spirit. Those are His tears that come so easily anymore, from the eyes of a man who refused to cry for anything, not to mention the fate of distant strangers. Then everything from the radio announcement, registration with Samaritan’s Purse, having the time to go, getting a negative Covid test, to finding the last hotel room in town after the first night, was all guided and gifted by God. That was the motivation, but what of the reason? That would be revealed while I was there.
Going into a disaster area by yourself, to work with a humble heart that is full of love, will provide little more than free labor and accomplish little more than removing one grain of sand from a hurting community’s sand box. Driving into town with a food truck and serving free meals to one hundred people a day is a great thing to do and demonstrates beautifully the ability of the human heart to love. It takes the stress and worry from immediate needs, but the endurance of that hope only lasts until the time of the next meal. If I were to walk into town and start knocking on doors and asking if I could pray for the people inside, or if I stood on the street corner and prayed over the community night and day, angles in heaven would rejoice but the people would not be physically served. (See James 2:14-17).
When I joined my group at Samaritan’s Purse, I put on that orange t-shirt and joined 15 to 20 other people. As the day passed, I watched crew members pray for homeowners, one even wept as she revealed she had lost a family member on 7th St. I saw the Salvation Army drive in and give meals to our crew and to hungry people. I saw chaplains from the Billy Graham Association talk to, pray with, and give Bible’s to the homeowner’s we served. I was informed that one homeowner we served accepted Jesus Christ into his life. The night of the storm his girlfriend called him and asked him to come home from his job at the Mayfield Candle Factory, which he did, right before 9 people died there. Something was stirring in his heart and eight days later he accepted Jesus when a couple of chaplains talked to him as we cleared his backyard of a fallen tree.
Giving the Bible to a Homeowner
Samaritan’s Purse Disaster Response Vehicle (DRV)
As I worked, dragging limbs and cutting with a chainsaw, I looked at all these wonderful things happening around me, and I realized that nothing would be different if I was not there. The other 15 people would get the brush cut and moved, the food would have been served, Bible’s delivered, prayers given, and salvation witnessed. And this is where I learned what my purpose was in Mayfield, Kentucky. It is a purpose that we all can fill, one that we all must aspire too. It was to simply strengthen the body of Jesus Christ. What a beautiful revelation that was. (See 1 Corinthians 12:12-27).
You see, when we all put those orange safety shirts on, the one’s that say, “Serving in Jesus’ Name,” we are visibly and actively showing people that faith is real and that God is working on their behalf through His body, the church. That’s right, the church, for while not one of us worship in the same building, together we are the church. This is where you see a difference. It is visible and it is in action. It is bold in its faith and unashamed of Jesus Christ. It serves the people under only one banner, the banner of the Holy God. It is serving in missions in your back yard.
The Hope of God
My prayer for the people in Mayfield, Edwardsville, Bowling Green, and the other communities effected by this disaster, and disasters past, is that no one, not even one, will fall away. My prayer is that the devil loses completely and that no one is lost due to these disasters, rather many more are saved and find their way to the hope and the comfort that is found in God the Father. My wife said it beautifully when she wrote about my trip. She said, “Mayfield, a place where people lost everything, and once again nature showed us how vulnerable life is. We give thanks for God’s faithfulness in the midst of chaos, pain, and death. If you feel lost and crumbled, THERE IS HOPE!”
Like me she is longing for the lost and crumbled to find their hope in God. She is pointing out that God’s faithfulness is being demonstrated by His body, His army of believers that descended onto Mayfield in the wake of the storm to stand with, pray for, and help their brothers and sisters in any way they could. Because all of us, no matter what you call yourself, are brothers and sisters. We all come from the same place, we all struggle the same struggles, and we all possess hearts that continually resist darkness, selfishness, and sin. We are all the same in the eyes of God, not one is better than the other. Remember that when you are tempted to judge the faults of another. Remember that God’s love for that person is just as strong as it is for you. And there lies the beauty of faith in Jesus Christ. He came for and He died for all of us! Your past, your social status, your religious background, your bank account, are all inconsequential. He will accept you. He will! I am 100% confident of that. And He will comfort you in your pain. He can touch your heart and give you a peace that you can’t understand. He may comfort the hurting through those who are encouraging. He provides for those in need via those who have plenty.
I have a personal testimony regarding this, and I’ve written about it here and there. When our son was seriously injured we turned to God and praised Him in the darkness. Our hearts cried out, but we chose to praise Him in our pain. He gave us peace in our hearts during those early and uncertain moments. He physically prepared our son’s body for surgery. He provided a skillful surgeon to operate on my son. He came through in a mighty, powerful, and miraculous way. Of course, we give thanks and praise to those wonderful doctors at Children’s Hospital, but not the glory. All the glory, all of it, goes to God!
Brothers and sisters, I encourage you to reach out if you are hurting, confused, or lost. Contact me or go to a pastor of a Bible teaching, God fearing church. In parting I leave you with the verse from 1 Kings 19 below. The winds may have destroyed Mayfield and taken the lives of our loved ones. The fire may destroy our forests and towns in the west. Earthquakes can strike us with unimaginable fear. But when the storm passes, we will find God in the stillness of our hearts. He is there to keep you and guide you as we rebuild, say goodbye, and lament. He is with you.
With love,
Chris
1 Kings 19:11-13
11 Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; 12and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.
13So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
James 2:14-17
14Suppose a person claims to have faith but doesn’t act on their faith. My brothers and sisters, can this kind of faith save them? 15Suppose a brother or a sister has no clothes or food. 16Suppose one of you says to them, “Go. I hope everything turns out fine for you. Keep warm. Eat well.” And suppose you do nothing about what they really need. Then what good have you done? 17It is the same with faith. If it doesn’t cause us to do something, it’s dead.
1 Corinthians 12:12-27
12There is one body, but it has many parts. But all its many parts make up one body. It is the same with Christ. 13We were all baptized by one Holy Spirit. And so we are formed into one body. It didn’t matter whether we were Jews or Gentiles, slaves or free people. We were all given the same Spirit to drink. 14So the body is not made up of just one part. It has many parts.
15Suppose the foot says, “I am not a hand. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 16And suppose the ear says, “I am not an eye. So I don’t belong to the body.” By saying this, it cannot stop being part of the body. 17If the whole body were an eye, how could it hear? If the whole body were an ear, how could it smell? 18God has placed each part in the body just as he wanted it to be. 19If all the parts were the same, how could there be a body? 20 As it is, there are many parts. But there is only one body.
21 The eye can’t say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” 22 In fact, it is just the opposite. The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are the ones we can’t do without. 23 The parts that we think are less important we treat with special honor. The private parts aren’t shown. But they are treated with special care. 24 The parts that can be shown don’t need special care. But God has put together all the parts of the body. And he has given more honor to the parts that didn’t have any. 25 In that way, the parts of the body will not take sides. All of them will take care of one another. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it. If one part is honored, every part shares in its joy.
27You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it.
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