Every New Year’s Eve our family sits down and watches a slideshow of pictures and videos from the closing year. It has become a beloved family tradition, the kids even start asking me about the presentation a month or two in advance, making sure its production had already started. Next year I vow to start that production process before December 29th!
As we watch this video together, usually late on New Year’s Eve, we are reminded of the good and happy times we shared as a family, the people we shared them with, the trips we took, and the memories that have the potential to last a lifetime. But this year, more than any other, I looked back onto with a heavy heart. As I meditated on that, I realized how foolish I was being, because the few negative events that I allowed to define 2021 had overshadowed, even buried, the abundance of good that I and my family experienced. Let me explain.
The Bad Things
- In February of 2021, our son was involved in a bad sledding accident. He was seriously injured and had to be flown to St. Louis Children’s Hospital for immediate brain surgery. His skull was badly fractured. All glory to God, he was operated on immediately, was home six days later, and has had a complete recovery. I continue to express my thankfulness to the skilled and disciplined surgeons who played a vital role in saving my son’s life. We were more than overjoyed to have him back home, but the lingering effects of that trauma infected my wife and I long after our son and daughter had moved on from it. We suffered, we were sad regardless of the miracles we witnessed, and we were questioning ourselves.
- One morning in July I arrived early to the office. My neighbor had called me asking if I’d seen her boyfriend, who had been living with her for the past three years. They are both in their sixties, he was retired, and she was up north visiting her mother. The day before some people came to that house to meet with this man, who was my friend, but he was not there. Knowing something was wrong I went over to take a look around. I went into the house, honestly assuming he had a heart attack, but he was not there. Then I walked the property. Looking ahead I saw an image that did not register in my mind at first. As I got closer, I could see that my friend had tipped his zero-turn lawn mower over into their small fishing pond and drowned. I won’t describe the scene.
- In August I had some serious arguments with others in my business over a sister company I had created six years earlier. The services provided by this company were successful, and the struggles of the first three years had paid off, but everyone in the company rebelled against it. They didn’t want to do that type of work. I decided to close that company, regardless of the financial ignorance of the move. I felt betrayed and abandoned by everyone in my company.
- Then in November I experienced another betrayal, a bad one. It still hurts today. I won’t discuss that one.
I’m not writing all this for sympathy, but the stories need to be told so I can show you how a handful of negative occurrences can define our lives, and we don’t think we have a choice in the matter. When I looked back on 2021 those events were what I saw, and they were all I saw. I saw tragedy, guilt, pain, death, loss, and betrayal. I was down when New Year’s approached, and I was anxious for it to end. I admitted there were good things that happened in 2021, our epic family vacation to the National Parks in the west for example, but they did nothing to chip away at that mountain of loss and pain that dominated the horizon we had left behind us. As the New Year approached, knowing I would have to face my family and honestly tell them how I viewed 2021, I was forced to take a hard look at it, and I’m glad I was led to do so.
The Good Things
- First, I looked into 2021 for anything that was good, not good, but great, that was outside of the joys of any particular day. Our family vacation took the top spot, hands down. After our son’s accident we were unsure if we’d be able to take this trip we had planned. It was early into his recovery when my wife and I decided to just go for it, if nothing else as a celebration of our son’s life. If we were only to see the Grand Canyon and Yosemite and the Sequoias from the car, then so be it. When we left he was still on restrictions from jumping around while the skull fracture healed, and it was difficult to comply to that, but we experienced a family vacation that lacked in nothing. The trip even took us four days longer than scheduled, and since I’m self-employed and the Lord led us to homeschool our kids in this season, it was no problem to joyfully extend our trip. We didn’t want it to end!
- When we got home one of the next projects that highlighted the year was the publishing of my website and blog, www.SingWriteRead.com, which included creating 12 blog posts. This was the culmination of a vision that took over a year to realize. It is a blog type website that promotes blog posts, song lyrics, other writings, and links to my YouTube channel where you can find recordings of most of my songs.
- Speaking of YouTube, 2021 is the year I started my most cherished playlist on the channel, “Inside the Ink.” This is an ongoing project where I give a brief narrative of the song and how it was written. I love this project. It allows me to take our viewers inside the songwriting process, or to dissect the lyrics, or to point out important biblical truths in the songs.
- In late 2021 I was able to complete my second unpublished book, “A Light in the Darkness,” which is the sequel to the first one written in 2020 (if you have advice on how to confidently publish a book, let me know). A trilogy is planned to complete the series, and God willing it will be written in 2022!
- I was also able to write 8 new songs last year. While 8 in a year is the lowest output I’ve experienced since I started writing again in late 2017, I look back on these songs and really dig all of them. Some I have already shared on YouTube.
- Last year I replaced our Facebook Live Worship Sessions of 2020 with live performances at the Victory Dream Center food pantry on Sunday afternoons. This was an answer to prayer and the guidance of God. I longed with love in my heart to play these songs for the hurting people around us, and God delivered. I played for the people in the food pantry line for most Sunday’s last year and gave away many copies of my CD, “The Tragedy of Complexity” in the process. What a blessing.
- By years end, that sister company I decided to scrap because of the rejection of my co-workers, we ended up selling it, and God confirmed the move both before the decision and after!
- Also in 2021, our son and our daughter are healthy and happy, the coronavirus pandemic has not troubled our family too much, we have not lost anybody close to us due to sickness like countless others have (on that premise alone we can only be thankful as so many around us have experience excruciating loss of sometimes multiple family members and friends).
The Conclusion
Even now, when I read that list of positive events and creative output, I marvel at how I could have ever thought negatively about 2021. After all, our son survived, we sold part of our company, we created a lot of material for the Kingdom of God, as a family we grew closer to God; it just blows my mind how blessed we have been. As I dissected the reasoning behind my negative outlook, this is what I found:
The bad things do not need longevity to become monumental
When we accomplish something great, how long will we be satisfied with that accomplishment if nobody values or recognizes it? Not very long. We thrive on positive affirmation. Negative experiences, on the other hand, hurt, and hurt can be impacting. It doesn’t matter if the lingering effects of the event last for months or for minutes, you’re going to remember that pain if it was significant. Nobody has to acknowledge the hurt you experienced for you to remember it, to dwell on it, or even to allow it to define you. It is true someone may need to acknowledge it for you to heal from it, but let’s face it, it is hard to heal from bad experiences.
As a result, all the negative things we’ve experienced over the last year stand front and center in our memories, and if we are not careful, they can define who we are, how we speak, and what we think. They can affect relationships, your health, even the core of who you are, your personality. They can do damage to your relationship with God. A negative outlook is like a cancer to the emotions, degrading your vibe until it withers and wastes away.
Be intentional about the good in your life
I have come to the conclusion that we must intentionally look for the good, the positive, and the great things that we experience and accomplish, and allow them to define our lives. Otherwise, without this intentional focus, the negative will darken the noon-day sky. Being defined by first our faith, joy, and security in God, and then by contentment and a positive outlook, will likely produce dramatic change in most of our lives, if we just choose to focus on it. I say choose for a reason. There are many things we think just happen to us that are out of our control, but in reality, we choose them. We choose, based on what we can clearly see and by what is written on our hearts, to believe in God. We choose to believe by faith that the Bible is the infallible, inerrant, inspired word of God. We choose to love our spouse and our kids when we don’t “feel” like it. Yes, you choose to love! Then why should it be unreasonable to choose to focus on the good in our lives? It’s not.
Bury the bad
How do you bury the bad? You forgive. Sometimes that means you need to forgive yourself, like I had to do after my son got hurt. Other times it is forgiving another person, or God, or even someone who may no longer be with us. Forgiveness is a requirement of the Christian life, and books have been written on what that looks like from a believer’s perspective. Again, it is something we choose to do, something we give to God, and being the loving Father that He is, He takes the burden from us. Forgiveness is potentially the most liberating act we can participate in. Carrying unforgiveness causes hate, bitterness, and sorrow, and this keeps the negative and bad memories of our past front and center in our lives.
You also bury the bad by putting everything under the supreme management team, Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit. If your business, or passion, or life’s work collapses in shambles, give that to God and let Him make you into something great, like the phoenix rising out of the ashes. If you have a deep hurt or betrayal, turn to God for healing and peace, for He gives peace that transcends human understanding or ability. If you’re not getting the recognition you deserve, give that to God and let Him have the praise for it (ask yourself, who do you serve and who do you work for? The praise and glory of God, or the praise and glory of men?)
We must change the way we tell our story
Finally, the next time someone asks you about your life, pause before you answer. Consider what you are going to say. If you are tempted, like I almost always am, to point out all the challenges you’ve had over the past month, focus on a few of the good things that have happened and start with those items. By changing the way we tell our story we are not denying the existence of the problems we face, rather we are choosing not to let them define us, our responses, and our actions. There is a time and a place and a person to vent the negatives too, but start off with the good, you and your Lord will shine brighter for it.
I write this because I am guilty of it, and I pray that God will help me change the way I respond to and view life. It has caused me to see myself as a negative person, and I don’t like it, neither does anyone else. I want to change who I am, and I want to change how I serve God, with a joyful and grateful heart. I want to be more like Jesus. Lord, please help me.
Romans 12
1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
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